Breathe in
by Princesse Sarah
Summary: When a potion backfires and intoxicates Professor Severus Snape, Madam Pomfrey discovers that another illness is ailing the man, closely linked with Lucius Malfoy.   Warning: Severus/Lucius and Severus/OC slash, Anorexia Nervosa. No offense intended.
1. Living in hiding

Most people were under the illusion that Potions masters were never ill. Henceforth, most people were scoffed by Severus Snape. Indeed, the dark man often asked himself how the mass came to indulge itself in such absurdities.

That day, however, the Hogwarts professor had wished with all his might they were right. Ironically.

_And to no avail. _

His first class had been the fourth year Slytherin-Griffindor. In order to practice before starting on antidotes, he'd decided to teach them to brew anti-allergy concoctions, which varied with the allergen. Thus the students had been formally asked to bring a flower in order to work on their present task. Flagrances filled the dungeons, much to Snape's displeasure. As he strolled up and down the classroom, he eyed sordidly bunches of camellias, acacias, lilies, fuchsias, even sunflowers.

_Sunflowers! Bloody sunflowers in my dungeons!_

However, one posy caught his attention. Seamus Finnegan had chosen roses, still wrapped in a ludicrous plastic sheet printed with silly little hearts. Severus sniffed disapprovingly. However, his instincts flared and, without knowing why, he felt suspicion welling up.

_These flowers... it has something to do with these flowers... they have been bought in a muggle shop, obviously. Perhaps a cheap one, too. Flowers... Muggle flowers... Cheap muggle flowers..._

Severus gulped. He had just realized something, but it was too late. Finnegan had already added a few petals into his brew, which began to hiss menacingly.

"Get the hell out of here, the whole lot of you!" the Potions master roared, startling the students, who at once scuttled to the door, nearly stampeding one over the others. Severus turned back to the abandoned cauldron, now bubbling ominously.

Before he had time to draw out his wand, an almighty blow projected him to the wall, making him lose consciousness. The explosion left putrid fumes to be breathed in by the knocked out man.

Xxxxxxx

Minerva McGonagall sat by Severus' side at the hospital wing, studying her inert colleague. She heard the sickening wheezes he produces, irregular and low, sounding so unnatural. After hearing the students' testimonies, Poppy had concluded that incident had been provoked by Finnegan's use of muggle grown flower, cultivated with pesticides, which had induced this abnormal reaction.

Minerva sighed. She had taken fifty points from her own house after Weasly suggested Finnegan should receive the Award for Special Service to the School. The students hadn't been informed of the seriousness of Severus state yet.

_The moment she had heard the loud booming noise, she had run down to the dungeons, finding the students outside and Severus missing. Miss Parkingson had wept that Professor Snape was still inside. Instantly Minerva had transfigured her handkerchief into a mask she'd used to cover her mouth and nose with, before entering the classroom, asking the children to stay back. _

_She had opened the door before slamming it behind her. The vapours had brought tears to her eyes. She had started looking for Severus, and there he was, against the wall, blood trickling onto his forehead. His eyes were closed, and he was breathing painfully. She had hurried to him and half-carried him to the fireplace before flooing them both to the infirmary._

She remembered Poppy auscultating him, frown deepening as she heard his awkward hiccupping noises. He was clutching his trembling chest in a heartbreaking way. Minerva had never known Severus to be ill, even though he strained himself to the point of self-abusing.

After this trauma, however, his mutilated body had finally broken down. Nothing remained from his strict demeanour but his infamous scowl. However, Minerva was sure it was no longer caused by the dunderheads he had to teach, but by agonizing pain.

The deputy headmistress looked up as Poppy entered Severus' room. Being a teacher, he was allowed personal quarters during his stay at the hospital wing. Poppy conjured a chair besides Minerva before settling down.

"I'm afraid it's what I've dreaded, Minerva", she sighed. "The man has chemical pneumonia."

Minerva blinked. She always felt uneasy when it came to muggle diseases, having grown among witches and wizards. Dragon pox and Spattergroit she knew of, but...

Poppy elaborated: "Pneumonia is a lung inflammation caused by either virus, bacteria, fungi, or, in Severus' case, a chemical toxicant. It causes difficulty in breathing, severe pain chests, and, most importantly, hypoxia." Minerva looked at her blankly. Poppy sighed.

"Hypoxia is the fact that certain regions of one's body lack the necessary amount of oxygen in order to function properly. You can notice it by the bluish tinge of his skin, see?"

Minerva gazed at Severus, who had just started a coughing fit. Indeed, his pale lips had become slightly blue. Poppy left the room only to come back with a weird muggle device.

"It's a ventilator", she explained. "It works by magic. Some healers are a little wary of muggle technology, but I find that it can be damn usefull."

She placed a transparent mask nose upon Severus and stood back to admire her work. She prodded the ventilator with her wand and a slight humming sound set off. Severus shifted slightly, adjusting to the mask. His eyes fluttered open.

He remained silent, taking in the room and mask set upon his face. He slowly turned his head towards his head towards Minerva, and with a pang she realized that, most bizarre of all, he wasn't struggling or protesting. Visibly, he was too tired to move. Hesitating, she called for Poppy, who scurried in to take the mask off. Severus inhaled a deep, rattling breath.

He first tried to sit up, but cringed and let him fall back upon his bed.

"Here, professor, let me help you up", said Poppy, lifting him against a mountain of pillows. "Do your joints ache?" she asked, turning towards him.

Severus nod. Still no snarky reply. Minerva was starting to worry. Poppy must have realized it, for she added "No need to worry, the poor man must be under a blasting headache."

Severus glowered. Minerva's lips curled up. _Finally, a reaction._

However, it wasn't long before the Potions master sighed and his features became etched with exhaustion. Nonetheless, he tried to utter a few words. Both woman bent over him to catch every one of them.

"I knew... mu-muggle rose... roses..." he panted.

"We already know, professor" Poppy interrupted.

"Lungs... feel like... sc-scraped... a-against... sa-a-a-and pape-e-e-r." Severus closed his eyes, whistling oddly as he exhaled. Poppy promptly strapped the mask back onto him. His whole body relaxed. Minerva watched him nervously. He had always stood beside her head high, unflinching, and now... _Now..._

Determined not to shed tears, she busied herself in taking his hand into hers and patting him soothingly. Severus quirked an eyebrow, and she frowned.

"Poppy, his hands are awfully cold", she said. The mediwitch, who was gathering potions from a cabinet, looked up.

"Cold?" the healer replied. She came back at his side and muttered a few spells. Her eyes examined him thoroughly.

"Merlin, I don't detect any other illness, this makes no sense..." she muttered.

Minerva noticed the man was still in his robes. "Don't you think it's about time we took those off?" she asked Poppy. The latter shrugged.

"I guess so." She fetched a pair of black pyjamas before coming back and charming his robes off. They gasped.

Shivering and stark naked under his bed sheets, Severus was trying to warm up by rubbing himself. His protruding collarbone seemed ready to rip out of his skin, which was tightly stretched over his frame. Poppy charmed the pyjamas onto him before checking his robes. They were made of heavy, black wool, ideal to hide his oh so thin body. A true suit of armour if she'd ever seen one.

"How come nobody noticed?" the healer uttered softly. Minerva said nothing. She had always known Severus had uncommon eating habits at the very least, but this was totally unforeseen. How could have she guessed that her friend (as she would like to think of him) was anorexic?

"_Aha, but then again, you had plenty of clues"_, nagged a small voice inside her.

Xxxxxxxx

Flashback:

"Severus, you hardly ever stay any longer than a quarter of an hour at every meal. You should at least eat more."

"Minerva, I wake up very early every morning in order to prepare for classes. I happen to snack before lunchtime, so by then, I'm not hungry anymore."

"Well, I suppose I can't blame you, but would you please stay only for the sake of... socialising?"

"I'm afraid I'm a busy man, Minerva. Now if you'd excuse me, I've got a cauldron on the fire."

* * *

" Severus, might I have a word?"

"If it's about Potter's detention, I'm only playing my part as disciplinarian in-"

"No, not that, though I'll come back to it later. You look awfully pale."

"Thank you, Minerva. I suppose spending half my life in bloody dungeons does that to you."

"Mind your language, young man. I noticed you appear more tired than usual, and the combination of those two signs make me suppose you might be anaemic."

"Minerva, would you perchance be studying my private life so as to write a paper on Potions masters of Hogwarts for the National Geographic?"

"National what?"

"National nothing. Please mind your own business hereafter. Good day to you, Minerva."

* * *

"What are all these vials, Severus?"

"Vomiting concoctions. Here's the Pepperup you came for."

"Why so many?"

"It's fairly easy to brew. I've asked my first years to prepare it."

"I don't see names on the vials."

"I grade them while they work on it in class. It's sufficient to know their ability, without having to check the potions subsequently."

"Then why keep them in stock? Did they all manage to brew satisfactory concoctions? I'm impressed."

"Indeed."

"However, now I think of it, I'm not sure this potion's part of your syllabus. Have you added it recently?"

"Goodbye, Minerva."

* * *

"Severus, it's a sunny day, why don't you take your coat off?"

"Quiet, Minerva, I'm trying to watch the match."

"As if you'd be interested in a Quidditch game that doesn't involve your precious Slytherins."

"Quiet, I said."

"For the love of Merlin, it's nice and warm and you're still clad inside your winter cloack!"

"Well, I've got to give the students a reason to call me the dungeon bat, don't I?"

"Anymore than you already do?"

"Don't push it, Minerva."

Xxxxxxxxxx

"Severus..." Minerva whispered. "Why, Severus..."

Said Potions master, who had just woken up, was avoiding her gaze.

"Severus, please..." The Transfiguration teacher felt her eyes prickling. Finally Severus' peered up at her like a guilty five year old before his sadden mother. He couldn't explain how it had started, it was so frivolous, so vain...

* * *

_Flashback:_

Usually the amount of food provided by Hogwarts was humongous, and without parents to monitor them or proper physical activity, most students usually put on a few pounds.

Severus, however, had been brought up in a poor family where every scrap of food was hardly earned. He was by nature a light eater. From a scrawny eleven year old, after working hard on holidays and having a proper diet at school, he grew up to be an athletic looking teenager, something his school robes hid well.

And one day, those robes had fallen before a certain blond haired boy. In his hurry to use the shower, Lucius Malfoy had walked into a bare raven haired sixteen year old, dripping wet and enthralling. Severus' locks fell upon his chest and the slim muscles of his arms. He stood tall and looked straight back into Lucius' eyes, standing tall and pride. Frosty blue eyes locked with cold black ones. Lucius approached slowly, predatorily, fixing Severus with hunger. His elegant hand lifted the younger boy's chin, and to Severus' astonishment, Lucius planted a soft kiss upon his lips. Caressing softly white lean arms, he purred in Severus' ear "I've always loved slim creatures..."

But mayhem broke outside the room and Lucius, in all his Head Boy glory, marched towards the noise, hence putting an abrupt end to the moment. Severus was left alone, words resounding in his head.

_I've always loved slim creatures..._

_Slim creatures..._

_Slim..._

Confusion seized the teen; why would Lucius Malfoy, of all godly beings, would be interested in him? Merlin, it wasn't like he was the best-looking lad, or even good-looking at all! But apparently, Lucius thought so, for he spent what was left of his last year at Hogwarts sending discreet invitations for Severus to join him in his personal dormitory.

_I find your flat stomach gorgeous..._

Severus stopped snacking.

_I love how your ribs stand out..._

Severus ate nearly half less.

_You're as light as air, it's unreal... divine..._

Severus started to make himself gag.

He knew it must've been one of the stupidest thing he had done, but what could he say? He craved the lust in Lucius' eyes as he contemplated his skeletal body, how he caressed Severus skin, trailing every protruding bone with kisses, even if it meant he was now constantly cold and tired from the lack of food and fat. Lucius _adored_ him, and he had always admired the Slytherin Head Boy from his first day at school.

One day, Lucius had asked him to come by late. When Severus pushed the door to his lover's room open, he met the blonde's hungry gaze. Closing behind him, Severus walked towards Lucius, who was panting slightly.

"You kept me waiting, Severus" he growled.

"I've got to teach you patience one way or another, haven't I?" Severus smirked.

Lucius snarled and lunched himself at Severus. Both boys fell on the stone floor, and something snapped eerily, but Lucius took no heed and imposed himself upon Severus. He reached under the brunet's pants and brushed the length he knew so well, before passionately kissing Severus.

And tasting blood.

Lucius looked down and started.

A thin trail of blood was trickling down Severus' chin, indicating a broken rib. His eyes were fogged with pleasure and pain... And probably hunger.

For the first time, Lucius looked at the object of his desire more closely. The slender muscles, or what was left of them, became evident malnutrition. Delicateness turned into fragility. What he thought was beauty was little by little destroying Severus. The latter watched him with a hint of apprehension and impatience, but Lucius let go off his manhood.

"Lucius..." Severus moaned, slightly disappointed. The other boy shook his head.

"I've got to take care of your wounds before... Severus, why did you... did you... let yourself go this way?" Lucius choked out. Severus closed his eyes in pain.

"Do you think... I'm too fat?" he whispered, his voice heavy with sorrow. Lucius was aghast.

"No! How-how could you think so!" he cried out.

"I'm sorry I'm too fat, Lucius... I swear I'll try to lose more weight... Give me just one chance... once chance..." Severus pleaded. Lucius was getting panicky. If he didn't say something soon, the situation would get out of control.

"Severus, please, I like how thin you are, but I don't want you to ruin your health for the sake of it..." he said softly, trying to hide out his despair. "I... I love you..."

Severus jumped and stared at him in shock. Lucius looked down in shame.

"Please stop it..." the older teen moaned. "Please stop starving yourself for me... I don't care if you take five more pounds, or even ten or twenty, but please... please stop..."

Severus pulled himself back together, looking tremendously hurt. His slenderness had been his gift for Lucius, and now the blond boy denied him. With great difficulty, he stood up and went for the door.

"I'm going to the hospital wing" he murmured, and without a glance for Lucius, he left, leaving his lover horror-struck.

Those were the last words he spoke to Lucius before the Malfoy heir left school to build himself an empire.

Severus spent his remaining year at Hogwarts flatly ignoring Lucius' correspondence. He learnt about his marriage with Narcissa Black by his classmates, and about his joining the Dark Lord by a close circle of students waiting for graduation before taking the Mark. Then his life went topsy-turvy.

Voldemort... His years of spying... How he had been forced into teaching in order to stay under Dumbledore's watch, for appearance's sake more than anything. He seemed to have lost every shred of control he once had on his life. The only thing left was what he did to himself.

And so his triumph over food he'd previously dedicated to Lucius became his very own prize.

If Severus wanted to starve, it would be for him and him alone.


	2. Discovered

A tall figure strode up the path leading to the castle, long silver blonde hair billowing in the harsh wind. Lucius Malfoy had just heard from Draco that the Potions master had been victim of an accident and hadn't recovered after a week in the Hospital wing.

If it hadn't been for Severus' condition, he would have overlooked this fact. However, having recently seen his old _friend_, he knew that underneath the shelter of his robes and cloak, the man was as thin as he'd ever been, perhaps a little more. Lucius winced.

Severus had punished him since the last night they'd spent together at Hogwarts by acting as though they'd never been lovers. They'd become "friends" again. And Lucius couldn't stop from thinking it was all for the best. Severus knew about his taste for morbidity, a fantasy he'd had to hide for all his life, and if he were to have an affair with Lucius, the dark man would want to indulge him by famishing himself until he succumbed.

It made Lucius disgusted with himself.

Reaching the large oak doors of the castle, he knocked heavily on the doors.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Poppy was dishevelled. She'd spent the morning taking care of the Triwizard Tournament champions and the afternoon looking over students bed-ridden with the flu. Aside from all that, she had to put up a constant fight to keep Severus alive.

Ever since he was brought to the infirmary, his state seemed to have worsen more than anything. He couldn't be fed without regurgitating the food minutes after, and his body was nearly oversaturated with potions. At the moment all she could do was feed him by perfusion, but even this didn't strengthen him as it ought to.

So all in all, she was pretty drained when Lucius entered the Hospital wing.

"For the love of Merlin, not another decree on the use of Pepperup or muggle cures!" she half screamed, half sobbed.

Lucius quirked an eyebrow.

"Ahem. I'm not here on ministerial business. If you please, Madam Pomfrey, I came to take Professor Snape home."

She looked back at him dumbly.

"Wha?" she let out.

"I just came back from the Headmaster's office. I offered to bring Professor Snape to Malfoy Manor in order to bring him back to health. Here's Professor Dumbledore's note and signature, allowing me to bring Severus back home."

Poppy stared at the note and her cheeks redden.

"What tells me he'll be better with you rotten good for nothing ex-governor than with me?" she raged. Lucius studied her coolly.

"I happen to know more about Severus than you'll ever do, you failed mediwitch. Now it's your choice: either he comes with me and lives, or he dies under your watch. Plus," he sneered nastily, "it looks as though you've already bitten off more than you can chew." With that he dropped his gaze upon her messy nurse uniform and unkept hair. Poppy blushed, and she caught the front of Lucius' robes to violently bring him to face her, their noses bearly an inch apart.

"I warn you, Malfoy, if you ever let him down..." she threatened. Malfoy pushed himself away from her and huffed.

"Trust me, won't you?"

Poppy scoffed and lead him to Severus' room.

Lucius entered the dimly lit ward and stopped still.

Severus laid with his eyes closed, his head propped on a pillow. His face was as white as the sheets and his silky hair was strewn around him, neither neat nor messy. His lips were slightly ajar under the nose mask, his chest rising and falling in beat with the ventilator. To top it all, a long graceful hand rest upon his torso, a transfusion needle planted into it.

Lucius wanted to sigh at the whole scene's beauty.

Poppy coughed.

"How are you taking him away?" she asked. Lucius glared at her for interrupting his contemplation.

"My grandfather happened to be a renown healer. I brought back equipped stretchers that permit him to remain under ventilator and perfusion, while apparating."

Poppy blinked.

"How do you know about ventilators?" she asked in astonishment.

"I _am_ familiar with a thing or two about muggle medicine, if you must know" he scowled.

Without waiting for her authorization, he lifted Severus in his arms before laying him cautiously onto the golden stretcher he had just unshrunk. Poppy fumbled with the cables and tubes of her patient's equipment. Lucius prodded the stretchers with his wand, and straps fastened themselves around Severus' body, holding him firmly. Nodding in satisfaction, he levitated the ill man out of the room.

"Good night, Madam Pomfrey", he called smugly.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I still don't understand how you could've handled Severus over to that... that... that man!" Minerva huffed disdainfully.

"I thought he was right", Dumbledore answered simply. Minerva was taken aback.

"How, how, Albus?"

"A few years ago, I came across Severus minutes after he'd left the Great Hall. The poor lad was vomiting what little he'd managed to eat. I asked him if he was ill. At first, he lied. I then asked how long he'd been..." Dumbledore sighed. "The date he gave coincided with Mr Malfoy Senior's last year at Hogwarts. I knew he'd been... quite infatuated by the young man."

"By all means, Albus, Severus has never been a love-struck teenage girl!" Minerva cried out. Dumbledore shook his head.

"Severus had felt... desired or accepted, even among his own family. Personally, I think he simply overreacted after that first demonstration of affection."

Minerva remained silent for a minute or two.

"How can we be sure?" she asked quietly.

"The wounds people engender are like venom: you need to cure them with the same being that first cause them."

Xxxxxxxxxx

Lucius carried Severus bride-like into the silk-laden bed of one of Malfoy Manor's many guestrooms. The journey back home had been uneventful, and he could now tend to his charge as long as he pleased. Narcissa had left for France the past week to visit her aunt and wouldn't be back before a month or two. She had decided to travel to Vichy and enjoy the Spas there, given that her recurring headaches wouldn't leave her in peace. Lucius didn't mind.

He had told his wife about his affection for Severus, and Narcissa had been compassionate. She had always liked Severus in a big sister fashion, for as much as he emanated fury among his boy classmates, the fact he'd been brought up mostly by his mother made him the perfect gentleman among ladies. That and the fact he could brew body lotions, perfumes and even (wonders will never cease) shampoos for her and her alone. Narcissa considered the relation between Lucius and Severus a way for her husband to take care of her little protégé, not really as a love affair. Love affairs involved women, in her point of view. This shook off all the guilt Lucius could have possibly felt as he cupped the Severus' jaw in his hand and bent down to kiss him, before fastening the mask back on.

Black eyes opened.

Severus' eyes screened his surroundings nervously, but relaxed when he realized Lucius was at his side.

"Good evening, Severus", the tall blond murmured suavely. Severus froze. Lucius caressed the ill man's ribs tantalizingly. Something in Severus' helplessness was pushing him forwards. He saw thin lips quiver under the transparent mask. Taking his time, he removed it for Severus to speak.

"L-L-Lu-Lucius..." Severus stuttered, his breathing coming in gasps, exciting Lucius even more. "Please... Sss...Stop..."

And strangely enough, Lucius obeyed. Not because of his lover's plea, but a most astonishing sight.

Severus was crying.

Deep inside, the raven-haired man was hating himself. He'd been through much, much worse without shedding a tear, but the pain... His chest was filled with some kind of venom, it had to be, because only poison caused spasms such as the ones he was enduring. His bones were settled uncomfortably upon the mattress, even though it was one of the softest he'd slept in. His head throbbed he felt cold under a mountain of covers. He couldn't understand.

And ignorance was one of Severus Snape's greatest fears.

As he panicked, his breaths became shorter to the point of requiring more effort than they were worth, and his vision became fuzzy.

_No... no..._

Panick overtook him. He vaguely acknowledged soft lips pressed upon his owns, but with no intention to kiss. His nose was pinched.

_No... no..._

Air was forcefully blown into his lungs, making him jolt as every alveoli stung simultaneously. Another time. And another.

Severus relaxed. His breathing became deeper, but still as laboured as before. Soon he felt silicon around his mouth and nose again, and heard the humming of the ventilator. Lucius was staring down at him, his face white. A minute hadn't passed before he fled the room, but Severus couldn't care less. His consciousness was soaring away and he couldn't stop it for all the boomslang skin in the world.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

The house elf had been sent to look upon Master Severus couldn't have felt more uneasy when Master Malfoy had asked him to do so _in a would-be civil tone_.

_Poor master is lost in grief, obviously he is._

Lucius' hair was sprawled like a satin sheet upon his desk, icy blue eyes hidden behind his hands. It had been far too long since he'd spent time with Severus, and even longer since he'd been in position to overpower him. Raw power had always aroused him, and seeing Severus in such a weaken state had sent jolts between his legs. He cursed.

What had he been thinking? How was he supposed to bring his patient back in shape when his vision was obscured by so tantalizing thoughts... Like Severus' laboured breathing... and his helplessness... right under him...

Lucius slapped himself, hard.

_Concentrate on the symptoms, you fool, or else he will become history before you know it! _a harsh voice chid. Strangely enough, it sounded like Severus.

_Symptoms: the man eats hardly enough to save a sparrow from starving, which has now made him weaker than Fudge's brain so that he couldn't fight off a cold if healthy, but Destiny chose to infect his lungs with pesticides._

_Fucking neat. _

Lucius was in the middle of reminding himself that Dear Lady Destiny was and had always been off her rocker when three soft taps echoed in his stadium-large bureau.

A thin, tall man entered the room without invitation. His white waist-length hair flowed behind him veela-style as his inky blue eyes focused on the distance. Lucius jaw fell open.

"Antonio Santa Cruz here to serve you, signor Malfoy."


	3. Divided

« How the hell did you come here ? » Lucius let out faintly. Signor Santa Cruz quirked a thin white eyebrow.

"By the front door" he said monotonously. Lucius head banged his thin mahogany desk. The worst was that he knew that the man wasn't trying to be sarcastic.

"Could you please elaborate?" the blond asked with an exhausted sigh. He knew the infamous Italian healer, who'd been employed by his family for generations, was harder to get answers from than a centaur. This promised nothing good for his poor, throbbing head.

"In his infinite wisdom, your father Abraxas charmed every room in the manor so as to summon me had there been a person in medical danger" the healer drawled. "I was alerted that a mid-aged male in the west wing guestroom was suffering from severe anorexia nervosa as well as chemical pneumonia. Am I right?"

Lucius nodded.

"Bring me to him."

Both men strode to Severus' room without a word. Once there, Santa Cruz put a hand up.

"Leave me with the patient" he ordered silently. Slightly taken aback at first, Lucius accepted nevertheless.

* * *

Antonio shut the doors behind him and put a discretion spell on the room; no sound was to escape. He turned to Severus, who had just woken up from the noise. His eyebrows shot up. Antonio charmed the mask off.

"Signor Santa Cruz..." he wheezed. Antonio lay a finger on Severus' lips.

"No parla" he said quietly. Severus nodded feebly. Antonio picked a miniature leather case from his pocket and charmed it back to its proper size. After charming Severus' clothed off, he fished a stethoscope from the case and helped him into a sitting position, pressing the instrument against his back.

"Dice trentatre" he ordered.

"Trentatre."

"Bene. Como ti sente?"

"Como merda."

Antonio smiled. He felt Severus' protruding ribs and shook his head.

"How you remind me of your mother, Severo, it will never cease to astound me" he whispered in the younger man's ear. He slipped behind him, onto the bed, so that Severus rested between Antonio's outstretched legs, his head upon the healer's chest.

"You were my favourite student, Severo..." Antonio crooned softly in Severus' ear.

"And you were... told... t-to use... my real... na... name..." Severus panted slightly, a small grin etched on his features. Antonio pressed the stethoscope over Severus' heart and listened.

Severus had been, years and years ago, a student of the _Facoltà di Magi di Napoli_, specializing in healing abilities and potions making. He had immediately stood out from the other banal students because of his arduous desire not only to succeed, but to learn. His thirst for knowledge had been equalled only by that of his mother, when she had attended the school herself. And Antonio had known Eileen long before he'd started teaching.

Hours spent alone with Antonio in one of the many labs caused their teacher/student relation to evolve, and soon Severus and Professor Santa Cruz were meeting in his small studio flat. Then Severus left to join the Dark Lord. Antonio had made too many mistakes in his life to blame him.

The mediwizard set the ventilator back on and allowed Severus to lie back. The latter's eyelids were drooping and his chest was rising and falling quickly.

"Severo... you need 24 hours a day care. I'm afraid we have a match against time. We have to nourish you enough to start the treatment against you pneumonia. It's not going to be easy..." Antonio muttered as he sat at Severus' side. "Your whole body has to be in its best shape in order to attend to your lungs, do you understand?"

Severus shuddered in cold. Antonio sighed and left the room. Outside, Lucius jumped to his feet and nearly assaulted the healer with his questions.

"Did you find something? What can we do? Have you given him anything? Is he fit enough to start a cure? Wha-"

For the second time this evening, Antonio held a hand up and the world stopped.

"If you don't mind, I'll watch over him tonight in order to analyze him better. I have many ideas, but I need confirmation. Buonanotte, signor Malfoy."

Lucius watched Antonio return inside the guestroom helplessly.

* * *

Antonio shed every piece of clothing he bore, revealing a surprisingly youthful body with lean, muscular limbs.

The bed was already large enough for three people, so no spellwork was necessary for the while. He quietly tiptoed to the other side of the bed and slid under the sheets. Severus was freezing, and Antonio knew that body warmth was the most efficient one of all.

He was _absolutely not_ taking advantage of the situation.

Severus leaned towards him sleepily, but Antonio maintained him in place and drew nearer. He didn't need his patient to tug on the ventilator and perfusion he'd just added.

He curled his arms around Severus, stroking his nipples, ribs, stomach, and then…

Antonio was trying to find a medical excuse for what he couldn't stop himself to do.

_Warmth. _

He heard a soft moan over the ventilator's humming, and Severus made to embrace Antonio, his manhood rubbing the latter's in process. Antonio sighed and his eyes rolled to the heavens.

"Madre de Dios…"

He lazily rolled in order to arch over Severus, elbows supporting his body, and ever so slowly, he let himself descend upon the frail body, his supple back curving so that only his pelvis touched his lover. Severus took a sharp intake of breath, his head leaning back and drool trickling into his mask. Antonio bent down to nibble a protruding collarbone, following with trails of light kisses that reached Severus' jaw. His mouth hovered over the other man's ear.

"I'm afraid I can't go any further... Sex will make you overexert..." he whispered sadly. Severus shut his eyes tightly and gulped. He then nodded to show he understood, but Antonio could feel the grief behind the indifferent facade.

Before he could return to his side of the bed, however, the healer underwent an electric shock caused by somebody firmly gripping his length. He was taken over by tremors as a skilled, very skilled hand stroke him in swift, _swifter, swiftest_ movements that made him want to twist his spine in ecstasy. He gasped as Severus gained speed, let his head plunge over his _oh so talented_ student's lips, the mask ripped off. He finally collapsed over Severus, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss.

"Severo..." he uttered softly. Severus looked up and frowned. Antonio's features reflected sorrow. The old man continued.

"Severo, I know I'm but an old fool not worth listening to anymore... but I care for you, really I do... and it isn't only for this" –he waved his hand over the bed- "but also for you." He patted Severus chest, feeling his heart beating underneath. Severus was alarmed by the glistening of Antonio's inky blue eyes.

"Severo... I won't last long in this world... I'm growing old..." Severus shook his head feverishly. Antonio smiled and grasped the younger man's chin.

"But I am, Severo, I really am... and if it were for me and only me, I wouldn't care if you died shortly after, or even before I did... but as I said, I'm an old fool who... loves you." Severus' lips curled faintly. For some strange reason, Antonio had always stumbled upon this word.

_I love you too_, Severus mouthed out. Antonio held him close, clenching his eyes shut.

"Severo, promise me... promise me you'll take care of yourself... even after I'm not here anymore..." Antonio said in a quivering voice. Severus gaped at him in shock. Never before had he seen Antonio in such a state of distress, and it frightened him to no ends. Severus buried himself into Antonio, his head under his lover's chin and his thin body under the other's arms. Antonio held him tighter still, before carrying on.

"Severo, you love Lucius, and he loves you... You know he does... Please, Severo, by rejecting him, you're only hurting both of you..." Severus blushed furiously in horror, confusion and anger. Antonio seemed to understand.

"How do I know? You used to moan his name in your sleep years after you'd left Hogwarts, and I've found a picture of him you'd used as bookmark instead of throwing it away. I remember that every time I'd leave to Malfoy Manor, you'd check who was ill, and sigh if it hadn't been Lucius. The day the poor fellow caught a head cold, you'd been so stressed you'd made a batch of Polyjuice explode", Antonio taunted. Severus turned his now crimson face away from him. Antonio brushed raven locks lazily between his fingers.

"He didn't want to hurt you... He was afraid... God knows I was afraid too, when you started getting dizzy all day and could barely stand on your feet... I fed you more nutritive potion than any other patient I had, because I knew my attempts to make you eat would be vain... Severo... Severo..." Antonio pleaded. Severus turned to face him, his look as cold as ice.

_How did you know what happened... _he mouthed. Antonio looked away.

"Narcissa was very feeble after Draco's birth, she fell into delirium... I was called to check on her. During the rare moments when she was lucid, she expressed her worry concerning Lucius, who was still grieving your loss. She knew about your relationship with him, and supported it due to the fact she considered it like a way to stabilise Lucius. She told me that she thought he needed someone to put him back at his place, because his obsession for power was entrancing him to a great extent. She had realized his quest was some kind of replacement for his passion for you..." Antonio confessed. Severus looked at him questioningly. Once again, Antonio answered the unasked question.

"Why she accepted this? She knew that Lucius was bound to have a few lovers, due to the fact their marriage had been arranged. I think that she'd taken it better than others would simply because he didn't choose another women. She's more than another pretty face, Narcissa is... She can be very understanding at times, and intelligent too... The kindest wife, really..." Antonio caressed Severus' high cheekbone with a single finger, before laying a kiss on his forehead.

"I have one last thing to ask you, Severo..." he said. "I know my time is coming, I'm not getting any older"; Severus stared oddly at Antonio, making him laugh.

"I don't look so old, but I am, giovano, I truly am... So please... consider it the last wish of an old fool... take care of yourself..." Antonio squeezed Severus' shoulder with his hand and leant closer until his lips were barely an inch away from Severus' ear.

"Severo, when I'll know my time is nearing, I'll send a servant to call you... and I'll allow us one last night... Do you agree?" Antonio asked.

Severus looked expressionlessly at him before nodding. Antonio knew he was gathering up courage; the conversation had taken a very unexpected turn, but Antonio couldn't afford to waste time with details. He embraced Severus into his strong, lean arms before kissing him one last time.

"Dorme, bambino..." he slurred, and as if hypnotised, Severus let his heavy lids cover his eyes before falling into deep slumber.

Antonio shook his head and held his young lover tighter.

He wished for a few years longer to live just to spend more time sleeping, protecting Severus... The young man had grown up nicely, but had managed to destroy himself all but fully.

And though he didn't have any implication with the darkest times of Severus' life, Antonio couldn't evade a strange feeling of guilt.

* * *

Antonio woke up early the next day. Severus was still asleep, and his breathing was still uneven. The healer decided to try a pain reliever for the moment to alleviate his patient's discomfort, refusing to make him swallow a true antidote for the moment. Those destined to cure pneumonia were known to shake the whole system violently, and Antonio knew it would be risking Severus' life.

The younger man coughed. Blood spattered the inside of his nose-mask.

Antonio contemplated the scene in desolate on for a few seconds before taking the mask off and casting a cleaning spell. Severus was in grave danger, and for the moment, Antonio couldn't see the light out of the tunnel. In these conditions, curing the fellow seemed an unattainable deed...

Antonio fought with himself, trying to decide whether to wake Severus or not, when a thin long fingers brushed his hand.

Severus was looking up at him, still very groggy. Antonio caressed his lovers cheek tenderly, before murmuring:

"I have to go know, Severo... Remember, we will meet very soon, and in preparation for that day, I want you to be nice and strong... Listen to Lucius and please, _por favore_, try to eat... Would you do that for me? _Para mi__?_"

Severus' eyes shut slowly, and he nodded. Antonio smiled sadly, and kissed Severus' forehead before leaving to get dressed.

"_Dorme, Severo, carino..._" he breathed out before leaving.

* * *

Lucius entered the room quietly with a couple of nutritive potions bottles in his arms, each a different tint of green. Santa Cruz told him to start feeding Severus the one of a lighter shade, less efficient, but easier on the stomach. Starting with too strong a potion would result in either an indigestion, or headaches due to the sudden rush of nutrients in the body.

Lucius sat onto the bed and lifted Severus' head to lay it on his knees, and removed the mask. Blood trickled down Severus' chin. Apparently the man had had yet another coughing fit.

Tilting Severus head slightly and parting the man's lips, Lucius gradually poured half the content of a bottle into his mouth, Severus swallowing automatically, before sputtering and wheezing. Lucius hastily dabbed the latter's mouth with his handkerchief before replacing the mask. Severus relaxed.

Seeing that the raven haired man was still shivering even under the pile of drapes, Lucius wondered if he could risk Pepperup. Santa Cruz had insisted he should limit the amount of potions to the strict minimum; maybe Lucius should consider other means... He sat besides Severus' bed and took one of the man's hand in his own, rubbing it feverishly. It warmed little by little, and Severus sighed contently. Lucius took care of the other hand, then threw the sheets away and rubbed Severus hollow stomach, which incited a few moans and twitches. Stomach was followed by chest, and finally lower throat and nipples. Lucius blushed slightly at the humming sounds his ministrations provoked. Severus was quite sensitive, and the meanest touch, especially in this area, made him lose control.

Black eyes opened into slits, startling Lucius by their sharpness. Severus, obviously very well aware of Lucius presence, started to pant at the sight of him, and he pointed vaguely to the door.

"_Get out",_ he mouthed. _"Get out."_

Lucius was shocked by the harshness radiated by Severus, but didn't go. However, something made him leave at once, a tiny little something barely noticeable as Severus faced the opposite wall.

A tear was trickling down his pale cheek.

* * *

A.N.: Firstly, I'd like to thank you all for reading this fanfic and reviewing. I didn't think I'd get feedback this quick when I posted this story two days ago! To show my gratitude, I'll try my best to update as quick as I can and try to make it last a little longer than I first intended.

Secondly, I'd like to say that I don't have a lot of knowledge of the Italian language other than the latin courses I took for a few years, comparisons I can make with Spanish (if my Spanish teachers read this, I'm toast), and love songs of Ricci and Poveri I listen to for hours, as well as _Ti amo_ and _Sei la sola che amo_. Studying translation, I have to insist that, even though the words are rightly spelled, the use of them might be a little awkward. Oh well, I tried my best, and give you the translations:

_No parla:_ don't speak

_Dice trentatre:_ say thirty three

_Trentatre: _thirty three

_Bene. Como ti sente?: _very well. How do you feel?

_Como merda:_ like shit (I have to insist on the fact that this translation is made word for word, and that it might not be used in actual italian.

_Facoltà di Magi di Napoli:_ Mage Faculty of Napoli

_Buonanotte:_ good night

_Madre de Dios:_ Mother of God

_Giovano:_ youngster

_Dorme, bambino...:_ sleep, child...

_Para mi?:_ For me?

_Dorme, Severo, carino:_ Sleep, Severo, dear

Some of you may wonder why Antonio calls Severus _Severo_. Strangely enough, even though Severus is a latin name, it's considered as a French name when used nowadays (its feminine equivalent being _Severine_, very well known in France; I'd know so, I'm French myself).

And last, but not least, Antonio is turning out to be one of my favourite characters in this story just because of how he pisses off Lucius. Sooooooooooooooooo...

If you like Santa Cruz and you know it clap your hands!


	4. Désenchanté

The following days passed in a most uncommon fashion for Lucius, who was used to being served and regarded with utmost respect.

Instead, he got to babysit an extremely dour Potions master whose gaze was ablaze with loathing each time it came upon him.

He just couldn't understand how Severus had come to hate him so. Since he, Severus, had joined the Dark Lord, he'd come to some kind of truce with Lucius, putting a stop to open hostility... But at the moment, the situation seemed worse than when he'd left Lucius' dorm that memorable night at Hogwarts.

Lucius, who had been in love, if he'd ever stopped to be since, with Severus, knew how to interpret the younger man's every move and word, but somehow his ex-lover had know become so cryptic it seemed both men came from different continents, if not planets.

He _couldn't_ understand why.

Each day, Lucius entered the room to feed Severus his potions, and Severus would cooperate, but without ever trying to communicate, let alone _thanking_ Lucius. It didn't matter. Malfoys knew when to lay down their pride, especially when a cherished one was in need. At least, the morbidly thin man was getting better, step by step, day by day.

Until this day.

Lucius had rampaged his entire potion cabinet, at first suspecting the quality of the potions he'd given Severus, for his morning doses had left him a feeble as he'd been. Then Lucius had tried different brews, more elaborated this time. Still no effect.

_Why?_

The ill man's state was worsening with no logical explanation; Lucius had stood at his side day in and day out, had fed him his medicine, had taken every precaution...

_Where did I go wrong?_

Severus laid in his bed like a ragdoll, his head sinking into his soft pillows and chest rising and falling in rapid succession. He wasn't keen to scowl at Lucius anymore, or perhaps he didn't have the strength anymore. His eyes were scarcely opened as he set them upon his ex-lover, his face lined with exhaustion. Lucius frowned and cast a few spells to establish a diagnosis.

_Low blood pressure... Low temperature... Weak pulse..._

It didn't make any sense... Low temperature was evidently due to anorexia, but the other two symptoms were out of line. Lucius took a deep breath to clear his mind. The man of science inside him reminded him that the body was a whole, that mind and physic were linked... So if anorexia and pneumonia weren't the culprits, the answer was in-

"Legilimens!"

Lucius found himself in a twirl of memories, pictures and sounds dancing around him. Severus hadn't been strong enough to reject him, which worried the blond greatly. However, the tourbillion of thoughts forced themselves onto him, and his mind went blank.

* * *

Utter loneliness... Nothing... People around him with no distinguishable face, but voices that rang eerily...

_Snivelus..._

_That runt..._

_Weird git..._

_Muggle family..._

And suddenly, the crowd parted, letting a student with discernible features emerge.

Lucius gasped.

It was himself as he was at the age of sixteen, the year before he'd been with Severus. He seemed to shine among the others; the fifteen year old Severus looked as impassable as always, but after closer inspection, Lucius noticed his black eyes were gleaming ominously.

* * *

White porcelain and dim light. Gagging noises right behind, in a deserted bathroom. Severus was bent down in front of a toilet, shoving a toothbrush inside his mouth, deeper and deeper, but even with all the effort he put in, he couldn't get himself to throw up. He thrust the tooth brush fiercely, nearly choking himself, but it still wouldn't come. Coughing, Severus finally gave up and leaned against the nearby wall.

After a while, he reached inside his breast pocket and fished out a small vial containing a gooey fluorescent solution. Lucius recognised it as some kind of vomiting concoction, and instantly wanted to grab it away from Severus' reach, for he knew the disastrous secondary effects these mild poisons had. Long lasting nausea, for one, and liver cirrhosis after a large number of uses. Severus threw his head back and downed the vial's content in one gulp, abruptly bending back over the toilet before puking his guts into the bowl. Again. And again. Lucius went a little green himself; the spectacle was not very appealing. The disappearance of his surroundings indicating the transition to another memory couldn't have been more welcomed.

* * *

The scene reformed into the Potions master's study. A door slammed as Severus entered, his entire body shivering. Lucius watched as he strode straight towards the fireplace, before collapsing into a large forest green divan.

"D-D-Dips-s-s-sy" Severus stuttered, and with a crack a tiny house elf with relatively small ears and sky blue eyes appeared.

"Master Snape called?" the creature squeaked, before sprinting towards a large cabinet and getting out a woollen blanket to cover Severus.

"Master!" it squeaked again when Severus started to pant and shake even worse. It immediately got out of the tea cosy it was wearing a small bottle of nutrient potion, took the stopper off and handed it to Severus, who swallowed it, dripping some of the content onto his chin in process. The potion must have been potent, for he stopped shaking in an instant. Dipsy took out a small handkerchief and wiped off the corner's of her master's mouth. After much hesitation, she put the back of her hand on severus' forehead and let out a small squeal.

"Master is burning!" she let out, her large eyes widening. "He must go to the Hospita-"

"No!" Severus snarled, terrorising Dipsy. Taking a deep breath, Severus straightened himself and spoke in gentler tones. "No, Dipsy. For the time being, I'd like you to help me to my quarters... I'll be alright."

"But Master..." Dipsy insisted feebly.

"Al-right."

* * *

A fuzzier atmosphere, filled with light and bright colors... A young woman with a tall, thin frame and long shiny hair seemed to glow in the farm yard she was strolling in. She held in her hands a small bundle of white linen, to which she kept on cooing and smiling broadly. The bundle squirmed.

Lucius' jaw dropped.

It was one of Severus' baby memories. The woman had to be Severus' mother, logically. Lucius stared at her, noticing how very similar she was to her son. He now understood the layout of the scenery; newborns' memories were often less instructive than adults', because there world was limited to their parents and immediate surroundings.

Lucius walked gingerly towards Eileen Prince for a closer look. Severus had rosy cheeks, shiny black bangs and enormous blue eyes as dark as blue can get. It couldn't be much after his birth.

Eileen wiggled a finger to Severus, which his minute hand caught, earning him his mother's mirthful laughter. Severus let go off the finger and yawned, his eyelids drooping, before curling into his mother's chest and sucking his tiny thumb. He was the incarnation of cuteness.

Lucius heard somebody approaching, and much to his dismay, had to tear his eyes away from the adorable infant. He was startled to find a younger looking Santa Cruz walking leisurely towards the mother and her child. Lucius found his expression peculiar; the man was smiling broadly, but his traitorous eyes expressed utmost sadness.

Santa Cruz reached Eileen, until his long black and white locks brushed her chest. Eileen refused to look up at him, focusing instead on Severus, who was peering up at her intently, his round cheeks bobbing slightly as he carried on sucking his thumb. Santa Cruz started speaking in Italian, and Lucius strained to hear the distant sounding conversation.

"You'll have to tell her sooner or later, Eileen..."

"I don't have to do anything, Padre."

Lucius gasped.

_Santa Cruz is Severus' grandfather._

"If you don't act quick, you'll soon lose everything, Eileen. Your husband won't wait for you forever, you know that. At least speak to your mother once and for all", Santa Cruz said solemnly.

"Come with me..." Eileen pleaded.

"You know very well I won't be able to interfere, Eileen", he muttered. "She won't let me get between her and her daughter-"

"But you're my father!" she screamed. There was a pregnant pause. Santa Cruz gazed at Eileen with sorrow.

"I wish it were so... and I also wish our lives didn't depend as much on blood bounds..."

* * *

A small, ornate room, with a handsome engraved bed with velvety sheets...

For what felt like the hundredth time since he'd entered Severus' mind, Lucius heart skipped a beat.

Two lean figures were tossing and turning under the covers, skin sleek with sweat. Moans, pants and occasional cursing entangled. There were two men, pushing and pulling, in rhythm with their respiration. Their synchronisation was perfect to the point you'd wonder if they'd come to fusion...

Severus was clutching strands of silver hair that cascaded the head of the person on top. He was grimacing in pain and pleasure, small mewls escaping him. His partner gave a throaty groan and threw his head backwards to face the sky, the curtains of long hair revealing his visage.

"Madre de Dios..."

Lucius fainted on the spot.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

A.N.: If you haven't realized yet who's spending some naughty time with Severus, you ain't getting no cookie!

Sorry for the shortness of the chapter, I chose to do so to set it as a meta-introduction for the following part of the story.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


	5. Arrivederci, Amor

**A.N.: Typo alert! Lucius meant to say in the last chapter "Santa Cruz is Severus' **_**grandfather**_**", not **_**father**_**.**

* * *

Lucius woke up groggily, not half ready for the sudden reminiscence of what he'd seen in Severus' mind. He'd fallen onto the oriental carpet covering the floor, his forehead was beaded with sweat and his head felt split in half. He warily tried to get back to his feet, but his knees gave in and he fell again. Just then did he notice Severus observing him blankly.

Lucius made a second attempt to stand up, and managed to totter to the bed. He fiddled a bit with the nose mask, but the _blasted thing_ came off after a little effort.

Lucius felt his throat grow dry. Severus must've shared the visions Lucius had seen while practicing legilimency upon him. He was blushing a little, no doubt because of that particular last memory... Lucius didn't know where to start, or if he should start in the first place, but the questions that came to him were threatening to eat him up if he'd leave them unasked...

He cleared his throat.

"Your grandfather... Santa Cruz." he stated. Severus blinked.

"What does my grandfather have to do with any of this?" he spoke quietly.

"Your grandfather... Santa Cruz..." Lucius repeated. Severus frowned, a little destabilised.

"What about them both?" he asked quizzically.

"Them both? Isn't _he_ your _grandfather_?" Lucius squawked in a most un-Malfoyish manner.

Severus stood silent.

"Where did that come from?" he enquired.

Lucius found himself a little befuddled. He tried to remember, but Severus' reaction confused him, until-

"Padre!" he cried.

"Beg your pardon?" Severus sneered.

"Padre! Your mother called him Padre!" Lucius said over excitedly. Severus eyes widened, understanding.

"Antonio married my grandmother after my grandfather died. My mother was about fifteen then, but as her true father died not long after her birth, she didn't get to call him padre. Antonio became a sort of father figure to her..." he explained.

"Oh." Lucius relaxed, and turned away from Severus, trying to avoid the sensitive subject.

"I didn't know you'd been through so much to lose weight", he said matter-of-factly.

"I knew what I was in for", Severus replied.

"Still..."

Severus closed his eyes and heaved a deep sigh. He was still wheezing, but in a somewhat more regular way.

"I don't want to do this anymore..." he moaned. "I've had enough of this..."

"What don't you want to do anymore?" Lucius asked.

"I don't remember..."

Severus was staring into space. He laid incredibly still, eyes fixed, and seemed almost... almost...

"Shit!"

Lucius grabbed his wand and scanned Severus breathing, pulse and temperature in quick succession.

The man wasn't breathing anymore.

"Fuck, Severus!" Lucius roared. "Oh no, you don't!"

He pressed Severus' chest with all his might in quick successions. The raven haired was getting paler and paler, and Lucius knew he himself must be doing so too. He felt terrified with each push that didn't bring Severus back, terrified that he'd never come back, terrified that he'd leave Lucius without hearing Lucius' apologies...

Severus' limp body was taking in the heavy pressures without reacting. His head was lolling onto his pillow, his mouth ajar, but no exhale. Lucius prayed internally with all his might, to whatever saint would care for an excessively self-righteous ex Death Eater... He pushed harder, to the point where he'd risk to crush Severus' ribs, but he didn't care, he didn't care, he didn't-

A gasp.

Severus inhaled loudly, deeply, before taking in puppy dog pants. He'd barely recovered, when Lucius gave him an almighty slap in the face.

"NEVER", he bellowed, "DO THAT TO ME AGAIN! EVER!"

Severus looked back completely dumbstruck, hardly noticing when Lucius strapped back the nose mask before storming out and slamming the door so hard it rattled in its hinges.

Lucius leaned against the wall and slowly let himself slide down. Now that he was sure nobody would witness him, he let out an almighty sob and cried, his eyes reddening under showers of tears and face blushing. He wailed in despair like a lost child, and brought his knees to his chest, burying his face into them.

_I don't want to do this anymore..._

He hadn't supposed that "_this_" referred to being alive... But then again, Lucius had never been able to read between the lines where Severus was concerned. His thoughtless opinion of beauty had led his lover to starve himself to death, his ego had stopped him from perceiving Severus' depression, and now...

_NEVER DO THAT TO __ME__ AGAIN!_

_Me..._

It always had to have something to do with himself, hadn't it? It was always him, and him alone, who suffered martyrdom, while the rest of the world turned around Lucius Abraxas Malfoy.

Lucius had never been so ashamed of being who he was... His egocentrism made him sick, not because of what it had made of him, but because what it allowed him to do to Severus. Perhaps the wannabe healer Pomfrey was right... Perhaps he wasn't the right person to take care of Severus...

Lucius painfully got back up and pulled himself to his bureau, after calling a house elf and leaving strict instructions for Severus' care. His brain had imploded from too much information and questions left without answers. He headed towards a large, ornate hearth like a sleepwalker before stopping abruptly before it. He wasn't conscious of his act anymore; a demon had taken over him and was just toying with him, ordering him around, and Lucius obeyed, for his mind was otherwise blank. He took a pinch of floo powder from a small china pot, and threw it into the crackling fire.

"Cazza di Antonio Santa Cruz!"

* * *

Antonio stretched upon the settee before rolling onto his side. He couldn't find sleep in his bed. He couldn't find sleep in his living room. It looked like insomnia was haunting him once again. Although he was a glorious healer, he'd only been capable to find a single cure to his sleeping disorder. It consisted in light touches, delicate caresses and melodious moans that lured him into Morph's arms, if he'd played his part well enough.

He buried himself into a cushion, nearly wanting to choke himself with it. Back in bed with Severus, he'd wanted to hold onto him as tight as he could, but the feeling of bones underneath skin, with no fat to protect it, made him afraid to break the fragile creature of his affection... Why did it have to end up like this, Antonio didn't know.

Roaring emerald flames burst into his fireplace, stunning Antonio. Lucius stepped out of it without a word.

Both men stared at each other. Each one sports dark rings under their eyes and looked ready to faint from exhaustion. Lucius tottered towards Antonio before collapsing to his knees, hiding himself into the healer's lap. He was very pink in the face and his shoulders were trembling, but as to hold on to his last shred of dignity, the blond man didn't let a sob escape his quivering mouth.

Antonio remained impassive.

He didn't need any explanation. He knew what was the only thing that could bring a Malfoy to this state.

Sighing, his heaved Lucius to his feet and leaded him to a small room. A large ornate bed inside was taking at least a third of its place, and seemed to invite Lucius to fall upon its lustrous covers. Antonio pulled off Lucius' shoes and pulled off the bed sheets before making him lie down. He then tucked him professionally, like the practised healer he was. Lucius was reminded of the time when Antonio had took care of him when he'd caught Dragon Pox, during his childhood. He watched Antonio with puzzled eyes, frowning to remember why he'd come here in the first place... And it all cameback.

"Severus..." he whined. "He's going to-"

"Shush..." Antonio murmured. "I'll take care of him... He'll be alright..."

Lucius closed his eyes contently. If Senior Santa Cruz said Severus was going to be alright, then it would be true.

* * *

Antonio lay down his quill and sighed. He knew Lucius needed to understand... He'd need to in order to deliver Severus from himself. Antonio would only be able to cure his pneumonia, unfortunately. Lucius will have to take up from there.

Antonio sealed the parchment he'd written on and left it on the bedside table for Lucius to read later. The man was dead to the world and quite frankly, Antonio wished him to sleep a few hours, for he looked a mess. His usually neat hair was flanged all around him, his cheeks blushed and snot, tears and drool leaked over his face. Antonio freshened him up with a wave of his wand. He turned to leave, but stopped just before he'd grasped the doorknob. He returned to Lucius' side and squeezed his shoulder gently.

"Arrivederci, senior Malfoy."

* * *

Queezer lead Senior Santa Cruz nervously to Master Severus' bedroom. As a good house elf he'd always greeted guests gleefully, but when he'd opened the large oak doors of Malfoy Manor to the healer, words died into his mouth. It was normal, of course, for most wizards not to acknowledge an elf's existence; however, the tall man had been so introvert he didn't even seem aware of Queezy's presence, and started walking towards the Est wing's guestroom as one condemned to the gallows.

Queezy was truely at lost for anything to say.

* * *

The ventilator hummed monotonously.

Severus could still feel the stinging pain where Lucius had slapped him. His eyes had remained wide open ever since, but even so they had remained moisten. He didn't understand why.

He had purposely ignored Lucius for years, even decades, and he'd told himself he didn't give two knuts for what happened to the pompous git. Nevertheless, he knew the ache he felt inside wasn't due to the humiliation of being slapped by an ex-lover...

_Could it be?_

Why, tough? He'd spent his time longing to find a way to make Lucius as miserable as he'd made him, and now he'd achieved this goal...

_Why does it still ache... there?_

But of course! It was pneumonia, coronary pains came with the disease, how could've he forgotten?

_No... _

What else could it be? He'd chucked out of his system every bit of affection he'd ever had for Lucius...

Tiny drops dampened the silk sheets of Severus' bed.

* * *

Antonio gathered his courage and opened the door, dutifully drawing a silver dagger from his robes. Severus was awake and aware, and he wasn't half as surprised as Antonio thought he'd be, considering the healer had just entered his room without giving notice and armed with a razor-sharp weapon.

Antonio saw the tears in his eyes, and the hopelessness behind them. He took of the nose mask and turned of the ventilator.

"Just do it..." Severus wheezed.

"I will", Antonio replied. The healer unbuttoned his robes and, to Severus horror, thrust the dagger into his own heart.

"A-Antonio! W-what the hell?" Severus panted, but Antonio shushed him. Black eyes widened in amazement.

Antonio's wound was weeping small silvery droplets instead of blood. The strange substance didn't seem to well out with profusion, considering the gravity of the cut. Indeed, Antonio's skin was already healing around the dagger that was still held within him. Antonio pulled it out and lowered himself, until his chest was within the reach of Severus'lips.

"Drink it", he ordered. Severus was too stunned to disobey.

He licked the gleaming liquid awkwardly, swallowing it little by little. Soon, his breathing became less strenuous, and his chest pains eased. Before long, he was suckling hungrily Antonio's slash, who had already cicatrized.

Antonio slid a hand under Severus shirt and circled his nipple until it erected. He shifted to be face to face with the brunet.

"Severo..." he murmured. He lightly kissed Severus neck, trailing up to his jaw and then to his lips... Severus allowed him entrance and so deepened the kiss. Meanwhile Antonio's hands started to unbutton the shirt and curved upon his lover's hips, and under his back... to draw Severus' pelvis up and against his.

Severus gasped. His cock was grinding against Antonio's, separated only by two detestable layers of clothes. Antonio hastily undid his trousers and pulled down Severus'; Severus busied himself with shedding off his shirt and ripping Antonio's robes off. Both were stark naked and sweaty within seconds. Antonio crushed their reddening hardness together, making Severus inhale deeply.

He hadn't realised how good air tasted until now.

"Antonio... it's been too long...", he purred seductively, brushing his lips against Antonio's cheeks, before stopping abruptly.

"Severo?" Antonio asked worriedly. Severus drew himself apart.

"This is the last time, isn't it?" he whispered, his throat tightening. "You said we'd do it once last time before..."

Antonio didn't answer, embracing Severus, pressing himself gently against him.

"Severo", he said softly, his inky blue eyes peering into jet black ones.

"Ti amo."

With the greatest care, Antonio put down Severus onto the soft mattress, before spreading his legs. He gave Severus his fingers to suckle, and Severus brought his feet upon Antonio's shoulders, positioning himself. When his fingers were slick with saliva, the healer delicately inserted one digit within his lover and started stretching him.

Severus shivered.

With a second digit, his breathing quickened.

With the third, he started moaning.

Severus felt the fingers retreat, only to be replace by something much larger, and warmer, and oh so much better...

Antonio was vigilant, at first, to not let his want take him over. Severus was still not completely recovered; Antonio controlled his speed, pulling in and out in a measured rhythm.

_Mezzo Forte..._

Severus panted, harder and harder as his lover and him entwined. He hid his head into the crook of Antonio's neck, drool escaping his ajar mouth.

Antonio launched his hips harder forwards, his restrain weakened by far... Severus started to moan his name in time with his pounding, enticing him... He wanted more, so much more.

Harder and harder it went, louder and louder Severus growled and hissed, awakening animal instincts in the older man, who bent to gnaw at his prey's flesh while quickening his thrusts.

_Staccato..._

All went out of hands...

Antonio pace was at its summit.

Severus was howling in a mixture of pain and pleasure.

The two men hold one another in death grips, and crushed their lips together, their tongues battling furiously for dominance.

Severus whined Antonio name...

And Antonio came for him, as did Severus, spilling his seed upon the upper man's stomach.

They collapsed onto the bed.

Antonio pulled himself out of Severus with great, deep breaths... Severus immediately tried to sit up, before wincing in pain and falling back. Antonio's eyes where half closed and his skin was as white as chalk.

"Antonio... Speak to me, Antonio…" Severus pleaded. Antonio smiled feebly as he faced Severus, his hand clutching Severus' chin to bring him closer.

"Severo..." he whispered tenderly, and their lips met.

Severus felt Antonio's skin chilling, and the fingers holding him flopping onto the bed covers. Dread seized him.

"Antonio..." he called, his voice fading into silence.

Antonio didn't answer.

* * *

A.N.: Dear reader,

Thanks again for reading this fanfiction. I have to give you my deepest apologies to all of you for a typo in the last chapter. Indeed, Lucius didn't think Antonio Santa Cruz was Severus' _father_, but his _grandfather_. Please excuse me for this mistake. And to make up for it, here's a bonus!

**Antonio Santa Cruz's IS and ISN'T**

_Antonio Santa Cruz IS:_

Dead (if you hadn't noticed yet), so get out your hankies, friends, family and fans, 'cause I'm using mine to cry my heart out *sob*

Eileen Prince's stepfather

Severus' lover

A sex bomb

Italy's greatest love machine

A man who can cure people by making them drink his blood (for further explanations, kindly wait for next chapter, so PLEASE BE PATIENT!)

The one who has to make Lucius Malfoy's prostate exam every three years

The healer who assisted Narcissa during her pregnancy and what came after (it's a boy!)

He who will make the voices stop

Last but not least, MINE!

_Antonio Santa Cruz ISN'T:_

Severus' father

Severus' grandfather

Eileen's lover

In love with Lucius

A death eater

A paedophile

Part of the Italian mafia

The fourteenth reincarnation of Buddha

A Viagra user

Yet another senior male you can fanthom as Albus Dumbledore's ex (and I'd like it if you didn't even THINK of it)


	6. The man with a unicorn mask

Golden rays of sun filtered through the sheer ivory curtains, and onto the parquet. The room was tiny, but it's emptiness saved Lucius from claustrophobia. At the far end, a very rudimentary kitchen along with a small table with a single seat. Behind him, the Louis Philippe meridienne with its silken cerulean material embroidered with pale silver thread; before him, a long ebony coffee table laden with worn leather bound books. Above the mantelpiece, a frame adorning a sketch of the Virgin Maria bearing her child, breathtaking by its beauty.

No photos, no letters from relatives, nothing.

Only the parchment Lucius had let drop on the floor...

The words he'd just read seemed to refuse to sink in, even though he'd carefully analysed every sentence. The letter had found its way to his memory, but not to his wits.

"_Signor Malfoy,_

_My life has brought me to take several decisions I won't be able to come back on. Many will raise a fair number of questions from your part, as well as Severus'. I feel that, in order to answer as many as I can in this final letter, I am obliged to give you an extensive depiction of my ancestors, as well as my researches._

_For generations, my family has worked on eugenics, searching for an alternative to the philosopher's stone. After decades of dissecting, analysing, brewing, we uncovered the secret to eternal health, by finding a counter-curse to the use of unicorn blood, and a way to generate it from our own. Every male of the Santa Cruz family was henceforth blessed with the virtue of self-healing and longevity. However, the wars and battles that ailed our world prevented us from revealing our discovery._

_Nevertheless, few aspects of the malediction subsisted, in a bizarre way. While drinking unicorn blood would save a dying man, yet curse him for the rest of his miserable existence, drinking blood from a "bearer" saves the drinker, but curses the former with death._

_I had always had the power to save Severus, yet I knew he would've been greatly despaired if he heard I had sacrificed myself for him. I must confess that I made him believe I felt my demise approaching in order to administrate the cure without arousing suspicion._

_I flatly apologise for having shared my last night with Severus within your home without your acknowledgement, __Signor__ Malfoy. By the time you'd read this letter, my fate will have fallen into the Lord's hands, but not Severus', for even though his flesh is healed, what lays below isn't._

_I implore you, please take care of him, if only to grant the wish of a man who loved too much._

_Adios, Signor Malfoy._

_Antonio Felipe Santa Cruz" _

Lucius gazed at the heavens.

_What now?_

* * *

The house elves had carried Antonio's body to another room, casting spells onto it to conserve it until the burial.

Severus was asked to remain in bed while an owl was sent to Master Malfoy. He didn't protest.

The ventilator was turned off, even though Severus had trouble breathing and felt excruciating chest pains. But he knew they weren't due to pneumonia any longer.

Antonio had asked him to carry on without him, but who did he have, now that Lucius despised him? For why else would he have slapped him in such a demeaning way?

"If that doesn't prove how much he hates me..." Severus sighed.

_Or to what extend he loves you..._

Severus stood stock still.

That voice didn't come from his mind.

"What the fuck is happening?" he muttered softly, ears alert and eyes darting across the room. Footsteps resounded in the corridor.

The door opened abruptly, and entered Lucius. Severus involuntarily shrank back into his bed, making Lucius frown.

"Severus, look at me", he pleaded, reaching for the raven locks framing the Potions master's face, but Severus jerked away.

"Severus, I beg you, listen to me! I regret shouting at you before leaving, I was just afraid for you, I... I..." Lucius stammered, but broke off by Severus blazing eyes.

"_Afraid_, you say, Lucius", Severus said, his voice ice cold. "_Afraid_ seems to be a befitting word. It excuses each and every one of your actions, is that what you please yourself to believe? Oh, but you can toss me aside at leisure, after all I did to grant your wildest fantasies, because you were_ afraid_. You can tear me away from death, only to abuse me afterwards, because you were _afraid_. But I don't care anymore, Lucius, I've stopped caring long ago for your sorry soul, and what you decide to do with it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm _afraid_ I must leave." Severus rose to his feet, still stark naked, and began searching for his robes.

Lucius grasped his arm.

"Let go", Severus snarled. Lucius caught both of his wrists and slammed him against a wall, arms raised above his head. Severus winced in pain.

"What do you want?" he hissed. "To bed me, in compensation for all your fears? A blow job or two, for all your trouble?"

Lucius tightened his grasp, baring his teeth, but Severus wasn't impressed. He carried on with more venom still.

"You can do whatever you wish with me, I don't care, not any more, I don't need you, I won't waste myself on your behalf... Do anything you want with me, and let me go... LET ME GO!"

Severus squirmed furiously, and with a brisk kick in the shins, he was finally able to free himself. He made it to the night table and grabbed the silver dagger Antonio had used previously. Lucius froze. Severus' chest was heaving violently, and his black eyes fixed on Lucious. Slowly, he positioned the dagger's blade against his neck. His eyes were gleaming ominously.

"Don't think I won't do it..." he whispered. His voice had somehow lost its harsh quality. "Tonight I lost the single person left who was dear to me... and... and..."

Both men remained silent. The dagger being goblin-made, Lucius was unable to summon it with a spell. Severus' hand trembled slightly, but the blade was still held firmly against his jugular. The tension was at its highest point.

Little by little, the room became colder. A few seconds later, the whole room shook faintly. Severus scrutinized his surrounding nervously, trying to find the source of this bizarre phenomenon.

"What the..."

He hardly had the time to finish his sentence when a pearlish shadow jolted from the floor and rushed through him, making him plummet. Lucius dived to catch him before he crushed down, and reached him only just. The dagger had fallen from his hand, but a thin trail of blood was visible where his blade had lain moments before. Lucius looked down at Severus, who laid motionless in his arms.

The raven-haired man had fainted.

Lucius checked his pulse and temperature. Both were lower than average, but nothing a good lie-down couldn't mend. Drawing out his wand, he healed the benign cut on Severus' neck and brought him back to bed, before picking the dagger up and pocketing it. He then searched the entire room for anything Severus could use to maim himself, found nothing remotely dangerous. The mirror and glass panes, if broken, could become lethal, of course. Severus' leather belt might easily become a mean to hang himself... Lucius sighed. Nothing short from using a full body-bind curse could protect Severus from himself, but Lucius knew it would be like trying to put out fire with gasoline. He decided to go through the less pleasant option, and face his would-be lover once again.

He drew his wand once again and pointed it to Severus' chest.

"Enervate", he muttered. Severus started.

The skeletal man looked left and right before gazing up at Lucius, and down again. Lucius found it most peculiar. He'd never seen Severus so lost in his life. His eyes met Lucius' again, and he was startled by how innocent they appeared. Big, black eyes adorned by long black eyebrows, doe eyes, sad eyes, that pleaded for something, that spoke more than words ever did...

They screamed a single word.

_Why?_

Lucius had thought that, by now, Severus would've started crying his heart out. But he didn't. Instead, he settled into bed, shifting pillows and covers, before letting himself drop upon them without a word.

Lucius chanced a small caress upon Severus' cheek. When the latter didn't recoil, he patted gently Severus' head, and to his amazement, Severus repositioned himself to give Lucius better access. The blond man blushed a few raven locks away from Severus' ear and leaned forward.

"Do you feel able to force down a little food?" he asked. "I think you're coming up with a slight cold, and I don't want to risk feeding you potions with an empty stomach."

Severus nodded tiredly. Lucius called for some chicken soup, which was brought by a house elf a few minutes later. He carefully fed Severus, who was much to worn-out to do so himself. Heck_, the man was even too tired to complain!_

After a few spoonfuls, Severus shook his head, unable to swallow anymore. Lucius helped him take a small vial of Pepperup, before letting him rest. Severus subordination was starting to make him concerned.

"Severus?" he called quietly. Severus opened his eyes, letting out a soft groan.

"Do you fell alright?" Lucius asked, feeling awfully stupid. _Of course he doesn't, you dimwit._

Severus nodded slowly, before pausing and shaking his head. Lucius took his bony hand into his and brought it to his lips, kissing it. To his surprise, Severus curled into a foetal position and started shivering, clenching his eyes closed. Lucius was sure he was fighting back tears.

"Why... did he come back?" Severus uttered shakily. "Why... did he come back... after all these years... just to leave..."

Lucius observed Severus attentively. Small beads of sweat were materializing upon his forehead. He was quivering very slightly, and his gaze was unfocused. The blond man pressed the back of his hand onto his patient's cheek. It was burning.

Lucius cursed himself for giving Severus Pepperup without adapting the dose. Due to his extremely light weight, the man was bound to develop a fever because of the relatively large amount he had gulped down. With a sigh, Lucius gathered Severus in his arms and carried him to the bathroom and undressed both of them with a wave of his wand. He then prepared an ice cold bath for them both, determined not to let Severus alone in the tub, for fear of his falling unconscious or even drowning. However, before sinking into the water himself, he cast on his body what his Healing professors called an E.T.T.E.C., an _Extreme Temperature Tolerance Enhancing Charm_, used for working with patients in need for freezing or burning environments in order to be cured. He remembered the first one he had ever cast, for entering a furnace in which an old warlock had been placed to get rid of severe skin infections caused by Spattergroit. Rustic, yet efficient.

The water he knew was now about at 16°C felt like room temperature to him. He made Severus rest upon his body, head leaning onto his shoulder. The dark man first relaxed into the invitingly refreshing water, but after five minutes began shivering. Lucius cast a warming charm on the water and cancelled the E.T.T.E.C. in order to check whether its temperature was right or not, _for a normal human being, that is._

Satisfied, he dedicated himself to caressing the long black mane that now fell upon his torso. Severus curled against him, now craving for body warmth. Lucius tilted his head up against the porcelain. It felt heavenly.

Severus was drowsing, his bony frame covering Lucius' muscular one. With a small smirk, the latter ran his fingertip over each patch of bare skin, each hollow, each protruding bone he could reach. When his hand sneakily slithered lower to reach the one piece of flesh Severus couldn't thin, he heard a small cry of plea.

"Don't..." Severus begged feebly. "Please don't..."

Lucius wanted to ask why, why he couldn't prove his adoration to such a pure, godly body. Severus answered him with great difficulty.

"An... Antonio... not yet..."

Lucius blanched. He did it again. He had demonstrated yet again how hideously self-centred he could be... Just after his first realization, after all his resolutions...

Without being aware of it, Lucius was cradling Severus against him, his hands holding Severus' head upon his shoulder. He felt lost, completely lost. Antonio had been for him, too, some kind of fatherly figure he could rely on. All of a sudden, the whole weigh of his lost collapsed on him, and he started crying.

Quietly, at first. He cried because he was alone with Severus and all he seemed able to do was worsening his state. A little harder, because he wanted to understand Severus better and the only person who could have helped him understand the dark man had just kicked the bucket. Sobs came when he realized how much he wanted to be loved, but how close he was to losing everything. He had a wonderful wife who was beautiful and intelligent at the same time, and a son that represented all his pride. But all he ever did was spend hours conquering the magical world, and by the time he was done, his darling Narcissa had found occupations of her own and his cherished son grown too much for Lucius to take him on his lap.

He pressed his wet lips against Severus' temple, whispering, as though to reassure himself, "It's alright... Everything is going to be alright..."

Severus was speechless.

Never had he witnessed Lucius being so gauche. His eyes filled with tears, too, but he tried to hold them back, if only to remain strong enough to support his friend.

_My friend._

Could he ever consider Lucius a friend again? The word tasted wrong on his tongue and troubled his mind. They had been through too much to be "friends".

_Ex- lovers? _

He didn't want to think about it that way. It sounded too final. Even after all Lucius had done to him, a part of him knew it hadn't been on purpose, and didn't want to let go. The sole idea of leaving Lucius forever made his chest lurch.

_Maybe Antonio was right... Maybe holding a grudge for this long was wrong..._

Severus lifted his chin and, as slow as his pounding heart allowed him, he approached his lips to Lucius, startling him.

It didn't take long for him to respond, however.

The kiss deepened, and Severus bent forward lazily, his long arms tangling behind Lucius' back. Lucius lifted Severus' slender body out of the water effortlessly before ending the kiss.

"We'd better dry ourselves before one of us catches death..." he muttered. Severus nodded.

A simple spell would have sufficed, of course, but where would've all the fun been?

Lucius wrapped himself into a large, fluffy white towel and sat upon the ceramic floor, inviting Severus to sit in between his spread legs. Severus did so, letting himself slide onto Lucius soaking body. Pale golden strands entwined with inky black ones. Lucius enveloped them both with the towel and wiped Severus vigorously, from chest to stomach, and stopped.

He rubbed Severus' hips timidly, then proceeded under his navel, but didn't dare go nearer the other man's... more _interesting_ regions. Severus didn't encourage him. Lucius understood.

When both were done drying themselves, Lucius led Severus back to bed and asked for him to wear pyjamas, instead of sleeping naked, if only to prevent his fever from worsening.

The stubborn man sniffed disdainfully at the garments, but accepted them none of the less. Lucius sneered. He knew about Severus' habit to sleep in the bluff, however cold it was.

As the thin man sled under the heavy covers, Lucius kissed his forehead before going to the door.

"I have to business to attend to, Severus. Please excuse my absence for an hour or so", he said resolvedly. Severus nodded silently. Lucius carried on in humbler tones.

"Would you... consent to let me sleep... in your bed?"

Severus smirked slightly.

"It _is_ your home, Lucius", he started, "and it would be... my pleasure if you were to join me later on."

Lucius hoped his jubilation wasn't as apparent as he thought it was.

"I won't be long", he promised, and with that he left the room with a slight spring in his step.

* * *

The small office was covered with a thick layer of dust, and Lucius' shoes were tolling bunnies of the same nature. The house elves had been ordered to leave the room as it was, ever since its owner had passed away. Only a large portrait of said person animated the room. It was a woman, more of a goddess really, with china white skin and curly tresses of pure gold outlining her clever face and almond sapphire eyes. She was the icon of serenity, studying Lucius with a broad smile through half lidded gaze. Lucius straightened himself before her.

"Mother", he inquired, "I'm in the need for your help."

The woman quirked an elegant eyebrow.

"My son, how could I be of any use to you, after you've grown up into the superb young man you now are?" she teased. Lucius turned pink at the complement.

"Ahem... As you very well know, you are the only soul aware of occurrence in Malfoy Manor."

The lady giggled.

"I very rightly am, my darling, and might I add I've found you clumsy enough around our good friend Severus", she said with eyes full of mirth.

"Mother!" Lucius cried, scandalized.

"One passes eternity like one can, Lucius, and to get to the point, I am very well aware of the ghost who gave you quite a shock, actually... He only just arrived a few hours ago, and has kept me company for the better part of the afternoon."

"You already know _who_ assaulted Severus?" Lucius asked, impressed.

"Of course I do. If you would just follow me, Signor."

Lucius' mother ethereal form walked out of the portrait, leading another ghost by the hand.

Lucius couldn't believe his eyes.

"Buona tarde, Signor Malfoy."

* * *

A.N.: I do declare, there are some characters I just can't let go... My bad, my bad...

I wanted to, first of all, thank you all for reading and reviewing, then ask you whether you liked the previous chapter's "bonus" part, because I'm thinking about carrying on in the next ones, with Severus and Lucius. Please tell me what you think about it. Like it? Hate it? Just tell me, I don't bite (well, rarely).

Arrivederci,

Princesse Sarah


	7. Traitorous love

Lucius' mother ethereal form walked out of the portrait, leading another ghost by the hand.

Lucius couldn't believe his eyes.

"Buona tarde, Signor Malfoy."

Antonio Santa Cruz, in all his transparent glory, was standing right in front of Lucius, a small smirk on his face. Apparently the man wouldn't let such a trifle as death stop him from ever surprising the Malfoy heir to the point of torment. However, it was his mother's girlish giggle that slapped Lucius back to reality.

"All right! That's enough! What were you two up too?" Lucius raged. To a total stranger, the man's reaction might have seemed exaggerated; however, feu Madame de Malfoi had left quite an interesting history behind here, as most of Malfoy Manor's most handsome visitors knew very well. Though Lady Capucine was cultivated, her very early marriage with a man nearly twice her age left her immature enough before the opposite sex, causing a scandal or two, or three or four...

Antonio must've recognized the source of Lucius' suspicions, for his whole attitude sobered immediately.

"I've chosen to remain amongst the living for a reason, Signor Malfoy. Severo is far from cured, for his soul remains troubled and he won't allow you to approach him, contrarily to what you seem to think", Antonio's voice echoed. His ghostly figure was becoming blurry. "You're lost in illusions, Lucius... Blinded by your desire to possess the one you love in his integrity... He'll leave this world soon if you can't lay aside your passion to see him no longer as a lover, but as a patient, Lu-"

"YOU'RE LYING!" Lucius roared, his usually pale face flushed. "Your presence here is as necessary as unwanted, you old fool! How dare you come back, you liar, you filthy liar, LIAR! How dare you leave me, you've left us and you come back... I HATE YOU!"

Antonio contemplated Lucius with coolness. Behind him cowered Capucine, her cheeks flushing silver.

"Lucius, my darling boy, please listen to Maman, _s'il te plait_, Maman always knows what's best for you, _mon trésor_..." she wept softly, staring at the floor. Lucius wished he could still hold her in her arms to comfort her. He hated to shout before his mother, but Heavens forbid, the man before him was trying.

"Pardonne-moi, Maman." He cooed softly, reaching for her delicate fingers, ignoring the freezing sensation as the tips passed through his hand. Capucine calmed down, and both spectres floated to the ground besides Lucius. Antonio was about to squeeze the living man's shoulder, before holding back just in time and sighing miserably. Lucius quirked an eyebrow before realization dawned on him. Antonio still wasn't used to being a spirit.

"Signor Santa Cruz", he inquired, "were you afraid of death?"

Antonio shook his head.

"I was in love."

Lucius stared at the poor fellow in amazement. Santa Cruz, of all people, the cold, expressionless Antonio Santa Cruz, polite in society, but living (no, _had lived_) in near hermitage the better part of his life, had said the L word. Amazing.

"But you never tried to stop Severus from starving himself..." Lucius pointed out, coming back to his haughty self.

"And I won't let you repeat the same mistake I made", Antonio said before he and Capucine faded away, his deep voice echoing in the whole room.

Lucius wished he'd live to see the day when life wouldn't be as complicated as it now was.

* * *

Severus fished into his robes. A good Potions master always carried on him a fair number of antidotes. An _even better_ Potions master always kept said antidotes hidden.

_There it is._

"Diffindo", he muttered, the sewing of his robes tore apart, revealing a small vial of fluorescent liquid. Originally, vomiting concoctions were used to throw up ingested poisons before they could harm one's system. Considering the situation, Severus wasn't using them out of context. After all, fat was a synonymous for poison in his dictionary.

Bathroom. Bowl. Swallow.

_Spew your guts._

"Purifying" his body didn't leave Severus the leisure to think much, but he was reminded one thing. He positively _loathed_ being sick. As sensible as he was, Severus knew he needed to ingest food for the potions to work properly. How cruel for his poor, mistreated organism.

_Out of the fire, into the frying pan._

His throat started to feel dry, very dry. But he'd made a promise to Antonio to take care of himself, and how could he if he allowed himself to become disgustingly obese?

Severus winced. The mere thought of made him want to puke. More.

_Good._

Severus sputtered. It was already over, but he'd done a good job. He felt pleasantly empty. He flushed the toilet before washing his mouth before the sink. Now to think of something else. Something that sharpened his curiosity.

_Lucius._

Indeed. The man had acted in the most bizarre fashion Severus had ever seen, these last few days, altering between private nurse and almighty master. And perhaps lover, in between.

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. His head started aching badly. He felt tired, very tired. Perhaps he hadn't quite recovered from pneumonia yet. He felt cold, a sensation he was very familiar with. And hunger.

_Another old friend._

He staggered towards the bedroom, his vision quivering and the edges darkening. God, it made so sense. He wasn't ill anymore, was he? Antonio took care of him...

He collapsed on the bed, his eyes wide.

"Antonio...", he whispered.

Doubts were welling within him. Did the man _cure _him, or the contrary?

"Did you want me to join you, Antonio?"

_Absurd, _said the most reasonable part of him._ He made you drink something his own body produced. If he'd wanted to poison you, he'd had to poison himself first, and why would he, if he'd wanted to be with you again?_

What if he'd wanted to pass on faster, to get it over with before he'd started to suffer more?

_Nonsense, what kind of poison turns your blood silver and makes it cure chemical pneumonia? _

"Antonio..." Severus breathed out. His vision was blurring, and he fell into delirium.

It had to be delirium, for before he passed out, he could see Antonio facing him, a hand cupping his face.

It felt cold.

* * *

Lucius entered the room cautiously, before tiptoeing towards the bed. Severus looked exhausted. He was still wearing his black pyjamas, but had apparently tried to dress himself, for his robes laid upon the floor besides the bed. Lucius noticed a rip and frowned. It wasn't like Severus to be careless of his attire. If he remembered well, Lucius was quite sure the Potions master's robes were in perfect state when he had brought them.

"How did they end up that way?" Lucius muttered.

Actually, on closer inspection, he noticed that it wasn't the robe itself that was torn, but some kind of pocket sewn upon it. Lucius felt around for another pocket, and found one containing a small, round, hard object.

A vial.

Lucius tore the pocket open with a swish of his wand and caught the minute container. There was no doubt in what it held. Barely enough for a full swallow, but it didn't matter. By its colour, Lucius deduced it was potent enough to make you gag a healthy Hogwarts feast meal.

Snarling, Lucius ripped the robe with his bare hands into shreds. More vials fell upon the floor.

"What the hell are you doing to my clothes, Malfoy?" Severus groaned, startling Lucius. The blond man said nothing, picking instead each and every little vial, making quite a show of it in order to catch Severus' attention. He then headed to the bathroom and emptied them into the sink.

"Lucius!" Severus cried out, outraged, but Lucius ignored him, carrying on until none of the glop was left. He then marched back towards the bed, and without preamble, pounced on Severus, a feral gleam in his eyes. He licked, nipped, bit every speck of skin and flesh within his reach, nailing the raven man below him. Severus squirmed in an attempt to throw his assailant off, but soon abandoned the thought as Lucius thrust his knee against his lower regions. With a flash of wand, their clothes disappeared. Apparently Lucius hadn't wanted to waste time undressing. He clutched Severus' crotch tightly, making the other man gasp.

Warmth that spread from his pelvis to his entire body, like lava from a volcano. Severus was pretty sure that if Lucius held on, something else was going to erupt. He gulped, panted and pulled Lucius' angelic face towards his, capturing his lips with a passionate kiss. He had the impression of being caught into a time warp; suddenly he was 15 again, his mind blurred with hormones that incapacitated all tentative of rational thinking. He was brought back to reality as Lucius tore apart from him, looking solemn. His sole expression scared Severus, and a thousand questions sprouted in his head in a fraction of second.

"Severus", Lucius said, caressing Severus' cheek. This act of tenderness comforted the raven man slightly. "I need you to listen to me till the end, with no interruption. Could you do that?" he asked, his eyes adding a silent _"for me?"_

Severus nodded. Lucius bent down to kiss him, and carried on.

"I've always enjoyed how you maintained a slim figure, Severus... But now I realised you nearly... nearly... from doing so." Lucius swallowed hard, the memory of the last few days still sharp. "I don't care if you take ten pounds, or even more, Severus, I only wish for you to... I don't want you to..."

_Ironic, really_, piped a small voice in his head. _You've spent a good chunk of your life achieving the Dark Lord's deeds, yet you can't even mention death in front of Severus._

Lucius shook this voice away and lifted Severus' chin for him to look at him straight in the eyes.

"I was so... distressed, when I realized you could've... _died_, because of how underfed you are, Severus. I know I don't deserve your sympathy, but please... You nearly passed out in my arms, for pity's sake!" Lucius cried out, fighting against his emotions. He knew they would make him appear less credible before Severus.

"I find you glorious even without the crap you shove down your throat" he whispered, closing the space between him and Severus, "and I'm not talking about food."

Severus stared at Lucius with wide eyes before nestling weakly against his chest, not uttering a single word.

Lucius handled Severus extra delicately; he knew by now the man must be exhausted, but he needed to emphasize his speech.

Ordinarily, Lucius Malfoy abhorred "fluffy" words such as _making love_. However, that evening he found it pretty befitting.

He usually considered his bed a battle site, as his beastly libido often turned sex into some kind of fierce combat. But not this time. He stretched Severus carefully, entered him with no hurry and kept a regular rhythm. Severus breathed heavily, and his moans were soft and quiet. Lucius could feel he wouldn't last long. With every thrust, he could feel Severus body growing limper. Only the delicious sounds he produced assured the topping man that he hadn't fainted yet.

_Lucius... harder Lucius... oh please, deeper, deeper Lucius..._

And Lucius complied.

Severus began to convulse upon the mattress, his moans turning into yelps, panting like he'd sprinted the marathon. Lucius started wanking Severus vigorously, until he was positively howling with pleasure.

After they both came, Lucius took the precaution to check Severus' pulse.

* * *

Dinner that night was quite an affair. First Lucius had to give Severus a glucose shot in order to keep him awake after all the exercise they'd had, for he feared his lover wouldn't stomach anything too sweet. After rearranging the bedcovers with a flick of his wand and putting on a night robe, he ordered the house elves to bring the meal. Something bland and light: mashed potatoes with boiled mixed vegetables. Severus hardly ate three mouthfuls before pushing his plate away and sinking back into his pillows. Lucius finished eating before questioning him.

"Severus, do you at least realize you're way under your ideal weight?" he asked cautiously. He was walking on very thin ice, to say the least.

Severus didn't reply immediately, but simply stared at his still full plate. At last he heaved a sigh and replied.

"I think I don't allow myself to realize it..."

Lucius frowned. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Severus' eyes suddenly seemed sadder, big, black, glimmering orbs that resembled those of a lost child. He was hiding something, something that was eating him from the inside. Apparently Severus had maintained his unhealthy eating habits for an illogical reason, for he had just as well confessed that he was aware of his problem.

"Severus..." Lucius begged. Severus closed his eyes tightly and withdrew himself from Lucius' touch.

"I can't, Lucius. It's become part of me, I don't even know if I could ever live without it. It's a need, it's keeping me from turning insane..." Severus whispered, his hands clasping the sides of his head.

"But this so-called _need_ of yours _is _insane!" Lucius argued. His patience was running low, but right now diplomacy was the safest path. What could cause Severus to need to hurt himself? Masochism was the first idea which came to his mind, but knowing his friend, the truth ought to be a little more complicated.

_He knows he has a problem, but grasps it like a lifeline. He needs to hurt himself... Self-abuse? Why? Inferiority complex? Doesn't seem the type. Then again it could be guilt. Why should he feel guilty? Okay, scratch that. He's a sadistic teacher who's partial as well as sarcastic, but hey, loads of people are like that, he's only human. What else could he have done? Well, first he left school, then had an affair with Santa Cruz... Wait a second, his mother was a very pious Christian, don't they disapprove homosexuality? I'll come back to that. Then he entered the Dark Lord's ranks... Did he disobey the Dark Lord? He shouldn't feel so guilty... Maybe he blaming himself for not being able to save him... That's it!_

Lucius cleared his throat.

"You know, Severus", he said very slowly, in a voice fit for explaining to a three year old where do babies come from, "it's okay, nobody could've saved him, it was an accident, you shouldn't carry the whole responsibility on your shoulders..."

Severus watched him quizzically.

"About what? Antonio?" he asked.

"No, the Dark Lord!" Lucius corrected, a little brought down that his evidence wasn't that evident to Severus. "I know you were quite young when that happened, but that's... not... your..."

Something was very wrong. Severus wasn't even looking at him, nearly trying to disappear in thin air, even though Lucius assured him he had nothing to do with Voldemort's defeat. It seemed something deeper, darker, a well-kept secret Severus hid from him... Something he wouldn't even tell Lucius... But it couldn't be, it was unfathomable, unthinkable, it had to be a mistake.

"I shouldn't be here, Lucius. We shouldn't be together. I don't care whether or not Narcissa agrees, we just... I'm leaving" Severus muttered, standing up and collecting his shredded robes, mending them with a spell.

"All I ask is to come tomorrow to assist to Antonio's funerals" he added hurriedly, gathering his last personal effects and walking towards the hearth, reaching for the vase full of floo powder.

"Severus..."

Severus halted, but didn't look back.

"You're an intelligent man, Lucius" he murmured painfully. "I think you've understood by now on which side I stand."

Lucius walked towards Severus and made to hold his hand. Severus retrieved it from his reach, eyes colder than the Tundra.

"You've got a family to take care of, Lucius. You can't risk associating with me. Even though the Dark Lord's thought to be dead, his followers will do you in if they ever discover about who I really am, and that you're my lover..."

Lucius winced.

"Severus, please..." he implored, eyes filling with tears. "Tell me it's not over."

Severus shook his head, and stepped into the hearth, only to be yanked out immediately.

"Lucius!" he snarled. Lucius had pinned both of his hands to the floor, pressing his weight upon Severus' body. His features were etched with wrath.

"How _idiotic_ can you get? To think I considered you a genius, for God's sake!" he seethed. Severus didn't shrink back, but held his head high in the most arrogant manner one could come up with. Lucius was fuming, his eyes glaring daggers at the person he now called traitor.

Severus looked back coolly.

"It was only a matter of time before I came to my senses, Lucius. The Dark Lord's a madman, his tyranny would have brought the magical world to its end, he doesn't give a damn for us all, remember what he did to the Lestranges..."

What Voldemort inflicted to his sister in law... How could Lucius ever forget? He asked for them to sacrifice their first born son, Alexander, who must've been only two years old, with the same cruelty than the Abrahamic god. All this procedure served as a proof of the couple's loyalty. Bellatrix had never been the same ever since, dedicating herself entirely to their Lord to compensate for the loss of a child she'd thought she wouldn't be able to give birth to...

In a way, he could understand what Severus meant, but still, they were above such folly...

"A master who promises us freedom by trapping us, in order to control us by all means. Remember all the cruciatus spells he used upon his most faithful followers... Even Narcissa..."

_I thought Draco would've been stillborn after what she went through that night, a week before Cissy gave birth..._ Lucius contemplated. Still...

Both men winced.

After thirteen years, their marks were burning once more.

Severus fell to the floor, his eyes clenched close.

* * *

A few translations:

**Malfoi (etymology of "Malfoy"):** Mal (badness, evilness) Foi (faith).

N.B.: in my opinion, it could also be assimilated to "mauvaise foi" (literally: bad faith), an idiomatic expression describing the fact that one doesn't accept the fact he's wrong, and insists on proving that he was right in a way. For example, imagine you're watching the telly with a friend. During a football match, one of the player scores a goal against your friend's team. Even though the odds are against him, your friend insists that the ball didn't reach the goal, and that it shouldn't count. This friend of yours displays "mauvaise foi".

**Maman:** mom, mommy.

_S'il te plait:_ please.

**Mon trésor :** my treasure (a common enough pet name in french speaking countries).

**Pardonne-moi**: forgive me.

**Capucine:** French name, quite rare, meaning nasturtium (family of brightly colored flowered, which are considered to be aphrodisiac; I thought it suited Lady Capucine well).

Sorry for the wait, I'm afraid that my last few exams don't give me the leisure to write as much… My last one's tomorrow, though, so heads up! By the way, I hope you're as happy as I am to _finally_ have a little action between Lucius and Severus. And for those of you who enjoy Antonio Santa Cruz, don't worry, you haven't heard the last of him..

Cheers!

Sarah


	8. Hope's funerals

The pain stopped as quickly as it had started, leaving Lucius grimacing and Severus gasping in pain, crouching onto the floor. Lucius ran for him and half carried him to the bed, ignoring flatly the skeletal man's protests.

Severus was still breathing shallowly after having settled down under the covers, his face alarmingly pale.

"It can't be, Lucius… He can't still be alive, for the love of Merlin… He's coming back to kill us all…" Severus wheezed. Lucius shushed him, tucking the bed sheets around him and stroking inky black hair away from his lover's eyes.

"I won't let anyone hurt you, Severus…" he whispered soothingly, sounding much braver than he felt. "It doesn't mean a thing, it didn't burn as much as usual… We don't even know if he's still alive…"

"How, Lucius?" Severus hissed. He then let out a deep breath. "I should really go, Lucius… If he _is_ back, he'd bring your whole family to an early demise just because of how close you are to me…"

Lucius kneeled down besides the bed, and lay his head upon Severus' chest, listening to his heart beating, making the other man fairly uncomfortable.

"Lucius, what the hell do you think you're doing of productive?" Severus sneered, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Lucius closed his eyes lazily.

"I never want this melody to stop…" he said softly.

"Lucius, come back to reason, I've got to leave, the Dark Lord…" Severus faltered. He stopped when Lucius pressed his lips against his.

"How can you still want something to do with me after what I've told you?" Severus murmured miserably.

"Severus… why is it you are always the one…"

Lucius caressed Severus' cheek with the back of his hand.

"who shows me the way…"

His other hand slid vine-like under Severus' back.

"and opens my eyes…"

He lifted Severus to embrace him in a half-lying position.

"when I am blind?"

Severus buried his head into the crook of Lucius neck. Even though he heard nothing, Lucius knew the man was crying. His shoulder felt wet. Severus couldn't take it anymore, and collapsed onto him, his whole body trembling. Lucius held him closer, feeling at lost before the broken man. He could only imagine the pressure he must've felt during all these years, entwined with loneliness, and the duty to always remain composed before the toughest situations. He knew of Severus' situation, neither trusted by most of Dumbledore's followers, nor by the better part of the left Death Eaters…

_How did you do it, Severus?_

Lucius gave a little cough. He looked unusually grave.

"I don't know whether I should believe you or not for the time being", he started, "but I won't harm you… I don't want to harm you…"

Severus gazed up at him, his eyes revealing expressions he didn't have the strength to control anymore.

"_I love you."_

Lucius felt a hard ball forming inside his throat, choking him. Severus had hardly spoken these words that his eyes shut and he drifted off to sleep. Lucius fed the unconscious man a nutrient potion and undressed himself, before joining Severus in bed. He tried to find peace, but between the Dark Mark burning once again and Severus' declaration, he found it hard to doze off. He spooned behind Severus, holding him close, his hand stroking his hard, hollow stomach.

He still felt furious at Severus for turning his back to their Lord… But when he thought about it, most of this anger had developed because, yes, once again, he was _afraid_. Afraid of what Severus was risking. Deep inside, even though he didn't want to recognize the flaming new ideas that had built up in his hesitant mind, he knew Severus was right on a few points. He had repressed more than once deception towards Voldemort's actions, towards the cruelty his followers had went through, sometimes surpassing what was reserved to the foes of the Dark Mark.

_But still, what woke up this brand new insight? _

Lucius pondered silently. He was immerged in his own reflection, when he heard curtains ruffling. His eyes darted to Severus' inert form. Thankfully, the noise hadn't awoken him. The room temperature dropped a few degrees, and out of thin air appeared Santa Cruz.

"Signor Malfoy", the ghost greeted Lucius with a small bow. Lucius tilted his head in acknowledgement.

"Santa Cruz", he said, gladder than he'd ever admit of the spirit's presence. "I don't think you need a résumé of the grievous situation I'm in."

Antonio shook his head.

"Alas, Signor Malfoy. I feel you're in doubt. On one hand, the faith of a master that has failed you, on the other, the faith of a lover _you_ have failed…"

"The Dark Lord has never failed us!" Lucius replied indignantly. Antonio scrutinized him coldly.

"Is that what you really think, Lucius Abraxas Malfoy?" he asked in icy tones. "Then how, how did Severus manage to convince you so easily, my dear child?"

Lucius fumed at the appellation. "I'm not a- it's absurd! Foolishness due to my affection for the man! Those so-called convictions are delusions, with no link whatsoever with reason, and I AM NOT A CHILD!"

Lucius breathing was labored from his outburst. He had rarely lost his composure in such a way, but damn him, _the man really knows how to get on his nerves_. Antonio ignored him and floated towards Severus, his eyes filled with longing. Lucius subsided a little at the sight of Santa Cruz watching over Severus, like a lost father would do before his ill son.

Antonio reached for Severus' cheek, but stopped before the tips of his fingers had "touched" the pale man. The infamous _dottore _truly was the icon of misery.

"Lucius", he finally said, "I'm going to give it one last try. Are you as devoted as you say you are to a Lord that has harmed you, your family, and your friends, one dubious pretences?"

Lucius sighed heavily, finally letting go.

"What choice do I have, anyway?" he muttered. "The Dark Mark has burnt again, and if our Lord comes back, I would find myself obliged to return to his side and fight for him again in order to protect my family, regardless of my believes."

The corners of Antonio's lips curled. It was a start.

"And do you trust yourself to _kill_ Severo, if it was for your Lord's cause, and for all the prestige uncovering a traitor could bring you among your fellows?"

Lucius blanched.

"Never", he whispered.

"And why would you chose him over a man who could raise you above so many others, Lucius?" Antonio inquired.

"Because…" Lucius started, but words seemed trapped into his mouth. "Because…"

Antonio arched an eyebrow, waiting.

"Because I trust Severus more than I trust the Dark Lord. Because Severus has never harmed me for the sheer pleasure of it. Because I love Severus."

Antonio grinned broadly, and faded away, reminding Lucius of a weird cat he'd read about in a muggle children's book when he was small.

Lucius curled back into bed besides Severus. Suddenly a minor detail slapped him hard in the face. He'd been in bed when Santa Cruz had come. And, being the virile man he was, Lucius always slept in the nude.

_Merlin's balls, did I have an entire conversation with Santa Cruz __**entirely naked**__? _

In a dark forgotten room of Malfoy Manor, Antonio and Lady Capucine were both chuckling merrily.

* * *

The next day was bathed in blinding sunlight, not really the most befitting weather for a burial.

Lucius was wearing his prestigious black velvet robes, which he'd bought especially for his mother's funerals. He'd never thought he would've ever gotten them out of his closet, but he'd attached a certain sentimentality to them. For him, those robes were to accompany him throughout life's (and death's) challenges.

Severus, meanwhile, was sporting his usual teaching robes and a look of complete indifference. Lucius knew him too well; the man was clamming in, trying to force out any kind of feeling. Feelings hurt, and Severus was still licking numerous wounds.

A plain oak coffin adorned with a shiny silver cross was lowered in the freshly dug hole of the _Cimitero di Napoli_. Transportation had been assured by specialists, with the use of boats which speed had been outstandingly enhanced by the use of a few charms, reaching up to 400 knots, making it highly tricky to maneuver.

The undertaker quietly stepped away, leaving a little intimacy to the two men.

"You can cry if you want, Severus", Lucius murmured. Severus remained silent, not moving a finger.

Lucius walked towards the undertaker and asked him if they could leave in order to take of the payment. His two assistant followed, leaving their spades for when they'd return to fill the grave.

Severus stood alone.

He'd specially required an unadorned coffin because, as he said curtly, _"I don't want to make Antonio's funerals look festive."_

Now that they all were gone, he fell to his knees and held his hands together, bowing in prayer, like his catholic mother had taught him.

He asked for Antonio to join the loved ones he'd lost, and to stay by Eileen, his mother, in Heaven.

He asked for him to continue to guide him during the rest of his pitiful life.

He asked the Lord for mercy, mercy towards his soul, and Lucius', and the whole lot of them who'd be soon forced into a war they'd never asked for.

Severus' palms dropped down and supported his weight as he half-collapsed onto the dirt, and sobbed as he'd never sobbed in years.

* * *

Lucius and Severus decided to spend the night into Severus' old student room, which Antonio had always been careful to preserve, if the young man ever was to come back to Napoli. Indeed, even after having been deserted for years, the small quarter was still spotless. Everything had been left as was when Severus departed, even-

"Severus, what's this… _Playboy magazine_ you seem to have so many copies of?" Lucius inquired curiously.

Severus face turned crimson.

"O-oh, nothing, plain _muggle_ magazines…" he stammered. Lucius blinked.

"Alriiiiiight…" he said, putting back down the 1979 special Christmas edition, wondering why Severus had turned so discomfited and why the heck the front page of said magazine displayed silly blonde girls wearing what looked like a cross between a Santa Claus and bunny rabbit costume. "You don't mind if I use the loo, do you?"

Severus shook his head.

"Not at all", he replied, relieved that Lucius hadn't made a further analysis of his "treasury".

And he stilled in horror.

_God help me, I do hope someone took off that photo of Brigitte Bardot in bikini out of the bathroom. _

* * *

The moon rose over the city of Napoli.

Lucius observed it with wonder. He didn't know why, but in the last few days he'd taken the knack to appreciate what some would consider taken for granted. A result of all the tumult he'd been through, probably.

He and Severus had eaten outside that night. Lucius had tried for the first time that- what was it again?- ah, yes, pit-dzah, or whatever they called this fancy flat bread. On the other hand, Severus had only played with the contents of his salad before pushing it away. Lucius hadn't insisted for him to eat more; he could understand that Severus didn't feel particularly hungry.

Lucius headed towards the bedroom. Apart from a few "artistic" posters, from copies of great artists' works of art to more suggestive black and white photos of famous muggle actresses, he found no pictures in the tiny flat. It reminded him a lot of Antonio's place, where all trace of family life, had there been any, was inexistent.

Severus was half asleep when Lucius entered his dark bedroom. Strangely enough, the rest of Severus' home was very well lit, but this area gave the impression of being carefully prepared to entice sorrow. A small frame attracted Lucius' attention.

It was a small wrought iron frame, like an armor to protect the picture within; a black and white muggle photo of a younger looking Santa Cruz holding Eileen Prince by the waist. The young girl was grinning shyly, a small bundle of linen in her arms from which protruded the round face of Severus, with stunning doe eyes. The whole scene emanated melancholy.

"It was taken a few weeks after my birth", muttered Severus, making Lucius jump.

"I'm sorry I took it from its place", Lucius said sheepishly, quickly putting the frame back. Severus shook his head.

"I don't mind…" he sighed, sinking back in his pillows. Lucius slid under the sheets.

"You looked so cute in this photo… What the hell happened?" he taunted. Severus glared at him, making the other man peer at him carefully. He took in those black almond shaped eyes carefully lined by lashes; the result was quite outstanding, if you stopped to look.

"How come I've never noticed those wonders before?" he breathed out. Severus irritatedly tapped his nose.

"You'd have to see past this target, thanks God. I don't think I could've lived through Hogwarts with lass eyes, mind you."

Lucius was astounded.

"So you actually_ like_ your nose because it stops people from noticing your eyes?" he asked in amazement.

"Yes", Severus answered gruffly.

Lucius covered Severus' nose with his hand. The effect was immediate.

How beautiful the man's gaze was, a masterpiece drawn with Chinese ink over pale skin, completed with a set of thin brows arched in an aristocratic fashion. Lucius gently removed his hand under Severus' struggling. The aquiline nose then seemed to fall into place, its harsh lines reinforcing the sketch of the raven man's features.

It was cryptic. It was exotic.

_It is art. _

Lucius kissed Severus nose, bewildering the latter.

"Lucius, you're _sincerely_ freaking the bloody hell out of me!" he uttered, gawking at the blond man. Lucius sneered.

"Oh well, it's your fault if I've lost part of my sanity, really…"

Severus huffed. "There we go again."

Both men unconsciously held themselves tighter. Lucius was hypnotised by two dark tunnels, and Severus engrossed by a pale angelic face.

"Lucius... what are we exactly?" Severus asked softly. Lucius paused, before smirking.

"I don't care what you think we are, Severus... I only know that I love you and all your apathy won't stop me" he breathed out against Severus' skin, making him shiver.

"I've let go of my grudge for a while now, Lucius", Severus panted as his lover slowly caressed the sensitive skin between his thighs. To return the favor, he let his skilful hands wander up and down Lucius cock at a deliciously slow pace. Both looked up from their ministrations to appreciate the evident lust showing upon the other's face. Their eyes locked.

"Severus…" Lucius began.

"Don't, Lucius…"

"I won't let him come between us, Severus."

"I know."

"I love you."

Silence rang in the room.

"I still think that's pure imbecility, Lucius", Severus stated indifferently.

"Oh well, what's life without a few risks?" Lucius joked, but he sobered at once at Severus' cold look.

"You've got a wife and a son, Lucius" he growled. Lucius shut his eyes tightly, in evident pain.

"I can't choose between you and them, Severus", he finally said. Severus mollified slightly.

"You've got a family to protect, Lucius..." he said quietly. Lucius brushed his lips against Severus' neck.

"And who will protect you?"

* * *

Caresses... Strokes... Kisses... The night passed in a flow of tenderness, so unusual for men renowned for their harsh, sometimes ruthless ways. But something between Lucius and Severus had sparked, like the mutual awareness that they probably won't have much more time to share in the future. All ahead remained undistinguishable, uncertain... and unforeseen.

Lucius prepared attentively Severus, stretching him with the greatest care. The raven haired man probably wouldn't have accepted sex if it had been anybody else than him, for he already was in a weakened state. Lucius took his time in entering Severus, balancing onto his elbows so as not to force his weight upon the skeletal man. He made a mental note to force some breakfast into him next morning.

Severus breathed huskily. His eyelids had already drooped down. His moaning had turned into pants. His head was lolling on the pillow, shaken with each rhythmic push. His arms and legs were sprawled upon the mattress.

Not until Lucius came, and that blood flowed up from his dick to his brain, did he notice that something was going very wrong.

Severus was still wheezing minutes after Lucius had stopped pumping into him.

Lucius tensed after checking the other man's pulse.

Severus' heart was beating much too fast.

* * *

Lucius put Severus under spell-induced sleep and took the ventilator and transfusion set back out.

He'd flooed immediately back to Malfoy Manor after discovering the critical state Severus was once again in. It was no shock, when he thought about it. After all, the man hadn't had a decent meal in days (without heaving it out afterwards, that is) and was still to be considered in recovery from his former illness.

Lucius wanted to kick himself. Just before fainting, back in his flat, Severus had jeered with a mixture of sarcasm and sorrow:

"_At least you won't have to choose anymore."_

The nutrient solution dripped slowly into the tube connected to the needle planted in Severus' hand. The ill man was breathing at a measured pace. All was well, for the moment that is.

But Lucius had learned the hard way that the situation could shift in a matter of minutes where Severus was concerned. This left Lucius no choice.

He'd have to maintain Severus unconscious in order to force feed him.

* * *

Severus opened his eyes slowly. Lucius was slumbering besides him, upon the bed covers, exhausted and haggard. A strangely familiar sensation awoke in the dark man. The feeling of a nose mask and a needle. And his whole body achy.

_I don't suffer from pneumonia anymore, do I?_ His numb mind wondered, before it was able to come up with an explanation.

By the looks of it, Lucius hadn't shaved for a few days. _That would mean that I haven't woken up in a few days. But how?_

"Severus?" Lucius croaked. "Are you awake?"

With a crick or two, Severus turned his face towards Lucius and nodded feebly. The other man chortled at the small snapping sounds due to prolonged immobility. Severus gave him his best death glare.

"Sorry for that, lad..." Lucius said, highly amused by the trademark look-o'-doom. He picked up Severus arm and started massaging it methodically, moving upwards till the elbow. He turned Severus onto his stomach, making his patient wince slightly, before proceeding. Severus gasped, but his soreness soon turned into bliss. A few ministrations left him purring into his pillow. Within half a hour, Severus was once again fast asleep. Lucius finished his task before repositioning him comfortably in bed. Completely relaxed, the professor was truly a vision, without his characteristic frown and sneer.

Lucius convinced himself that he would be able to rescue Severus, if only to get to see him once more as he was right now.

* * *

A.N.: Sorry for the wait, I hope you're still enjoying the story as much as I enjoy writing it (or a tad more)...

For anybody who cares, Brigitte Bardot is a famous French actress, whose beauty is notorious. I chose her because I she's old enough for Severus to have known her when he was about 20 (year 1980), which was impossible with other models/film stars I searched for. Heck, I even tried to find Italian porn stars of the 80's... In vain. Naughty Severus!


	9. Burning Ice

Tiredness.

Omnipresent, everlasting tiredness.

Severus couldn't find in himself the will to eat, and even if he did, he knew he wouldn't be able to keep in the food he'd just swallowed.

Lucius had insisted for him to remain bedridden, and Severus obliged. There wasn't much else he could do, anyway. His brain was too foggy to read, his legs too weak to walk. Breathing became a problem again, a conscious effort for the gaunt man. He even refused to have sex because of the strain it caused. Lucius understood without complaining.

Frighteningly reasonable from a Malfoy.

Nutritive potions were wasted one after the other, or maybe not. They didn't seem to have any effect, but somehow Severus knew they were the only thing maintaining him alive. Those, and the ventilator.

Lucius spent hours gently brushing Severus' long, raven locks, stopping only to plant a gentle kiss upon the younger man's cheek or forehead. Severus kept whispering ever so softly that he was sorry. Lucius dismissed those words with gentle caresses. He understood that his lover's organism wouldn't be able to stomach normal nourishment for the time being, and that it was perfectly useless to force Severus to eat. Perhaps in a week they could make an attempt... Till then, they'd have to stick to potions and transfusions.

Severus slept most of the day, buried under a pile of the warmest blankets the house elves could provide, against a mountain of pillows. With no fat against his flesh, he always felt extremely cold and shivered if he were to leave his bed for the bathroom or to undress. After a few arguments, he'd finally listened to the voice of reason (thee bareth the name of Lucius) and sported pyjamas all day long.

During his spare time, between Severus and other obligations, Lucius had sent letters to other respected healers, who unfortunately hadn't studied Anorexia Nervosa much, the ale being more common in the muggle world than among wizards, and to top it all, most mages didn't even consider it an illness due to its strong link with psychology. Only Santa Cruz's spirit managed to provide him valuable answers.

"Zinc supplementation will help him to regain weight. You'll also have to provide him Omega 3 in order to fight against depression and regain cognitive functions" Antonio listed. "You _did_ say he's stopped reading?"

Lucius nodded.

"Does he seem to have trouble focusing or concentrating?" Antonio asked. Lucius nodded again, making the spectre frown.

"Most peculiar..." Antonio floated to the ceiling, from where Lady Capucine was observing both men with curiosity. From the way her fine eyebrows joined, Lucius could easily assume she hardly understood what was 'most peculiar'. Still, she played her part by smiling good-naturedly at Antonio as he settled at her side, deep in thought.

"If he hasn't lied to you, Severus is apparently aware that he is way under his ideal weight... You think he's starving himself by punishment?"

"That, in my opinion, is his motivation" Lucius confirmed.

"You should forgive him, Lucius" Lady Capucine piped up, startling both men. Lucius eyed her warily.

"Maman, what are you talking about?" he ask, expecting a silly explanation from his mother, who –if truth be said- acted most of the time like an adolescent girl. He was taken aback, however, by the no-nonsense look she directed to him.

"Severus is a sensible man who doesn't let his feelings over-rule him, Lucius. The only person, however, who might make him loose his mind is you. And Antonio" she added hastily, turning towards her companion. Santa Cruz waved an elegant hand lazily to show he wasn't offended, and urged her to carry on.

"At some point, he's acted against you by fighting for Dumbledore, but even though you haven't expressed any desire for him to leave, Severus still doesn't know if you still consider him a traitor. His self-punishment will only strengthen if you show him how much you love him while letting him think he doesn't deserve your love" Capucine concluded. Lucius was impressed by his mother's logic. Antonio clapped his hands politely.

"Carina Capucine, you will never cease to amaze me" he told Madame de Malfoi, making her beam.

"Is it so? I have to say, one can always rely on women intuition" she declared, pointing her chin up with her chest forward, like a parading peacock. Lucius rolled his eyes.

"Maman, how do you suggest I inform Severus that I don't mind his treachery to the Dark Lord? If I recall well, I've already told him more than once that I hold him too dear to chose him over my Death Eater loyalties..." Lucius stated. He was under the impression of being in a live merry-go-round, where each step he took forwards only brought him back to where he'd left. Capucine observed him in a very maternal way, like the little boy he'd always be for her.

"Mon enfant, find the right words to explain you understand the gravity of the situation. That you are aware of the risks you're taking by tasting this forbidden fruit... Severus must see that you aren't fooled by illusions of happy endings where both of you will live on with no difficulty to overcome. Show him you're a responsible adult, Trésor..."

The bottom of Capucine's lips were trembling, and she was dabbing the corners of her eyes with a small lacy handkerchief. How Lucius wanted to hold her into his arms again...

"Merci, maman", he uttered before promptly leaving the room. Discussions with his deceased mother always soften his heart of stone.

Xxx

Severus didn't know what to say.

He was astounded by Lucius' sombre attitude, how his mind didn't seem infatuated by the thought of passionate love-making for once. Had something gone wrong between them? It didn't seem so, as the blond man's sole preoccupation had been, and still was, Severus' wellbeing.

Severus' head was resting upon Lucius' shoulder, his back against Lucius' chest. How secure he felt, and comfortable too.

His sanctuary shifted, and he laid once again upon the 'lumpy' mattress. His bony body permitted him no cosiness, even from the most luxurious beds. He moaned in protest as his lover left for a nearby closet.

"I'm just fetching a fever reducing potions, Severus. Your forehead feels a little warm" Lucius explained.

Severus couldn't comprehend how a part of him could be warm when the rest of him was constantly freezing.

Lucius handed him the potion, before reaching for the ventilator, causing Severus to groan. He'd dealt without it for a few days, which was quite a bliss, as it enabled him to nuzzle with Lucius devoid of tangled tubes. Lucius kissed his head.

"It's just for tonight, in case you come up with something serious..." he added. Severus sighed in resignation and allowed Lucius to set the mask over his nose and mouth. The monotonous humming of the ventilator filled the room once more.

Lucius slid back in bed behind Severus, one arm snaking over the other man's chest, teasing his nipples, and slithering downwards. He smirked as Severus arched in delight, his head tilting backwards until he nearly faced his tormentor. He took his mask off.

"I'm going to need an _uncovered_ mouth if I am to treat you, Lucius" he purred seductively before his lover could object. Fire started blazing in Lucius' loins.

"Treat yourself to something to eat, Severus, I really think you need to" Lucius rumbled in a low voice. Severus smirked.

"Do I, now? It seems you're the one in need, Lucius..."

And so he was.

Severus proceeded with sloth and debauchery, keeping Lucius in torturous wait as he slid his clever fingers along his lover's hardness, followed by an agile tongue that he flicked rapidly up and down, from tip to base, making Lucius whine in frustration... He moaned for more, _oh please, more..._

Perhaps it came from his habit to consume his meals slowly, or perhaps because the delicious sounds the man before him made were more appetising than a feast to Severus... He took in Lucius' cock leisurely, his tongue rolling around it, and pushed it inside little by little, to the point where he was already tasting pre-cum by the time his mouth was full.

Severus sucked hungrily, his hand holding onto the base and Lucius holding onto his head. He felt the blond man's nail digging into his scalp as he grunt his name. A salty liquid spurted into his mouth, making him ravenous for more. A few coughs as some of it went down the wrong pipe, and back to more suckling. Lucius wouldn't last much longer...

Long, hard flesh rattled between Severus' lips, followed by a languorous cry of pleasure, before Lucius collapsed backwards, his knees bent awkwardly beneath him. He held his eyes closed as he tried to regain control on his breathing. Severus hovered over Lucius and kissed him deeply. He still beheld the flavour of sperm.

Positions were switched. Lucius gazed at Severus, who opened his arms in invitation. A finger to lick, then two, and three... Relaxing tense muscles... A gasp.

"Are you sure you're up to it?"

"Of course..."

Severus' face was already etched with fatigue, or was it already ecstasy as Lucius scissored him? Drool was escaping his ajar mouth, trickling down his chin. His hair drooped upon his chest, so neat despite the action... His whole appearance mesmerized Lucius, as he lingered before regaining hardness.

Severus inhaled sharply as Lucius finally entered him. Pushing and pulling, constantly, and once again Severus nearly nodded off from exhaustion. His breathing quickened, his chest rising and falling in quick succession. Lucius concentrated in order to make him come quickly, sharp intakes of breath accompanying his thrusts. A long sigh as Severus reached orgasm, followed by Lucius. Black eyes peered into icy grey ones. Funny how warm they seemed when they locked with Severus'.

"Lucius", Severus muttered. "Why do you even care for the wreck of the man I've become?"

Lucius smiled sadly.

"Actually, I live in the hope the wreck of the man I love today will become the fit man I'll love tomorrow..."

"I've never wished I could eat so much in years..." Severus whispered heavily.

"All in due time..." Lucius assured.

Severus fell asleep, finally freed of chill.

_Body warming really is underrated_ was his last conscious thought.

Xxx

Severus had finished gathering his personal belongings, and was now sitting on the edge of his bed, waiting for Lucius' return from the ministry. He'd spent an extra week at Malfoy Manor before his lover considered it safe for him to resume his teacher's duties. The dark man was now able to stomach a whole, albeit small, meal without any complications. He'd insisted upon going back to Hogwarts because of his responsibility as Potions Master and Head of House. After he'd promised taking care of himself and avoid overexerting, there wasn't much Lucius could do to retain Severus.

The floor shook slightly. Severus wouldn't have been suspicious had he been in Hogwarts; however, he didn't know much about the spirits haunting the manor, only that previous owners' spirits could demonstrate exaggerate territoriality towards strangers.

Thus Santa Cruz's apparition came in as quite a surprise.

"Antonio!" Severus exclaimed, amazed. "But how... when? Why?"

The ectoplasm chuckled.

"Rarely have I had the pleasure to see you so gauche, Severo..."

Severus sobered at once. Soon his face darkened with guilt and grief.

"I'm sorry, Antonio... I should've found a cure... I should've been strong enough to help you... whatever was ailing you... what was it?" Severus asked.

Antonio looked away, a gesture that Severus found very strange from the proud man's behalf. Antonio contemplated the magnificent view they had of the manor's French gardens.

"I'm afraid it was the same disease that burdened you for years, bambino..." he murmured. Blinding rays of sun filtered through him, and he disappeared in a wink.

"No!" yelled Severus. "No! Antonio, come back! I beg you, come back!" His hands clawed the air, as if to grip Antonio back from wherever he left. After a few futile attempts, Severus let himself fall upon the floor, holding back sobs.

Next door, Antonio was silently weeping, his translucent form glowing against the wall.

Xxx

Severus hadn't spoken a word about Antonio's comeback to Lucius, who already knew about him from his mother. She'd told him that Antonio had felt the urge to speak with Severus before the latter left, and had been haunting deserted rooms of the manor ever since.

"A severe case of post-mortem depression if you ask me", supplied Lady Capucine.

Severus' journey back was planned for that evening. Lucius had offered to escort him, but Severus had flatly refused. Something about having wasted enough of Lucius' time already. The blond man tried not to look put-upon; he could understand Severus needed time to himself in preparation for his return.

Formal words of thanks as Severus threw floo powder in the fire. Formal response from Lucius' part.

Severus stepped into the emerald flames, before turning back all of the sudden and embracing Lucius, who held him back tightly against him.

"Swear you'll take care of yourself", Lucius implored. Severus answered with a chaste kiss.

"I love you", Severus whispered as he let go, marching into the hearth without looking back. He was gone in a flash, leaving Lucius more lonely than he'd ever felt in years.

Xxx

A.N.: Not finished yet, readers! Mind you, the rest of the story will have more to do with things that really happened in the book, such as Voldemort's comeback.

And for your pleasure (I sure hope so), another bonus part.

Tel me what you think about it.

Ahem.

Xxx

Fellow readers, in weird situations (such as two male HP characters screwing up), it can be hard to figure out when OOC (Out Of Character) starts. Here are a few guidelines to help you out, concerning Severus. So here we go with-

HOW TO KNOW GAY SEVERUS SNAPE IS ACTING OUT OF CHARACTER IN A FANFICTION

If he's asking students to call him "Big Gay Sev" instead of "professor" or "Sir", you've got OOC.

If he wears silk shirts, silver jewellery, skin jeans, leather pants or mascara instead of his usual black robes, you've got OOC (NB: silk boxers are still to be discussed, except if they're pink).

If he asks male students to wash cauldrons the way playboy bunnies do (using themselves as sponges) instead of supplying toothbrushes, you've got OOC.

If he openly slaps his lover's ass, purrs or even has eye-contact instead of being totally impassive, you've got OOC.

If he arrives even 1 minute late to his class because he had "trouble with this new hair balm", you've got OOC. Heck, you can claim OOC if he even decides to make his hair non greasy! However-

If you discover the state of his hair is due to using the same products than Travolta in a famous musical, you've got OOC.

If he starts writing mushy poems or scribbling hearts on students' essays while correcting them, you've got OOC.

If he takes part in a gay pride with a costume, you've got OOC.

If he uses pet names, you've got OOC.

If he hands detention for being "naughty", you've got OOC.

If he explains his disdain for Lupin with the fact that his robes have been out of fashion since last autumn, you've got OOC.

If he gets mad at his lover for not sending a Valentine, you've got OOC.


	10. Reach out

Dear readers,

I've recently had someone reviewing about how my fic may be at times confusing... I'd like to apologise for that. In order to help you out, I've written this chronology, hoping that it'll make the plot a little clearer.

Big thanks to the person in question, I appreciate a lot these constructive reviews, as they enable me to make this fanfic more enjoyable for everyone

CHRONOLOGY

_Antonio Santa Cruz marries Eileen Prince's mother, years after Eileen loses her biological father, thus taking an important place in her life._

_Eileen Prince falls in love with Tobias Snape, a mother. Being Pure Blood, her mother rejects her marriage. Antonio supports Eileen, but is in no position to help._

_Severus grows up in extreme misery and loneliness. When he finally enters Hogwarts, he falls in admiration for Lucius, even though he doesn't think there's a chance the other boy will ever lay an eye upon him, due to his modest origins and the fact he is half blood._

_Lucius enters the Slytherin boys' showers and runs upon Severus naked. Fascinated by Severus' uncommon slimness, he starts to develop a crush on him. As he tells Severus that he loves how thin he is, the younger boy starts to starve himself little by little to satisfy Lucius' morbid taste._

_Lucius calls Severus late at night into his dormitory. After leaping onto Severus, seriously wounding him in process, he realizes that because of his whims, Severus has put himself in grave danger. When he tries to explain to Severus that he "let himself go" (referring to Severus' anorexia), Severus misunderstands him and thinks Lucius is rejecting him. Incredibly hurt, he leaves Lucius and starts ignoring him with all his might._

_Severus enters the Facoltà di Magi di Napoli after graduating from Hogwarts. There he meets Antonio and learns about how close the man was to his mother. Severus becomes the doctor's disciple, studying the fine art of Advanced Potions Making. Both men fall deeply in love with each other. Because of Antonio's relationship with the Malfoy family, Severus is aware of anything that happens to Lucius. Antonio notices that, although he never mentions it, Severus still has feelings for his ex. _

_Severus leaves Antonio and Napoli forever as he enters the Dark Lord's ranks. _

_Severus is tired from the chaos his life has become, from being a Death Eater, a spy, and finally being forced into teaching in order to stay at Dumbledore's side. He enforces his already strict diet in order to be in control of at least one thing in his life._

_Harry Potter's fourth year at Hogwarts. An accident occurs during Potions. While trying to deal with the mess, Severus ends up intoxicated by the fumes and is diagnosed chemical pneumonia. While undressing him, Pomfrey discovers how thin the man is. This will induce great difficulties for curing Severus._

_Draco sends his father a letter mentioning Severus' illness. Lucius sets off to Hogwarts and offers to take care of Severus, as Pomfrey has way too much on her hands to properly take care of him._

_Lucius arrives with Severus at Malfoy Manor. Severus shows antipathy towards the man. After closer examination, Lucius has a hard time finding a way to cure Severus. Thankfully, Antonio is alerted at once (by means of a system designed to call him whenever somebody at the manor is ill) of Severus' state and arrives to take care of him._

_Severus and Antonio meet again, still very in love. Antonio tells Severus they'll meet again soon. He also mentions that he's in terminal phase of an terrible malady. He adds that the night they'll share will be the one he think is the last of his life. Actually, his is not sick at all: he just wishes to use a power he has to save Severus. Antonio's family has developed a skill giving them extraordinary health, and enabling them to cure other people by making them drink their blood. However, the curer will curse himself in doing so, by bringing death on him. Not wanting to make Severus guilty, he elaborates this scenario about him at the verge of death._

_Severus' state gets worse and worse, and he still feels apathy towards Lucius. Lucius decides to explore Severus' mind to find what's wrong with the man using occlumancy. He discovers how miserable Severus' life was, and also about Antonio being part of Severus family. He then discusses what he's seen with Severus. The ill man than let himself fall into death, by pure exhaustion, not wanting to fight anymore. After managing to save him, Lucius slaps Severus for nearly letting himself die, shocking the other man._

_When all hopes are down, Lucius fetches Antonio. Totally spent, Lucius falls asleep at Antonio's house, and Antonio leaves for Malfoy Manor, after leaving a letter of explanation for Lucius to read. He and Severus share one last night together. Before starting, the healer asks Severus to take care of himself and give Lucius another chance in order to find happiness. Antonio offers his blood to Severus, curing him from pneumonia, but not anorexia. He dies just after interacting with Severus._

_Severus feels very confused about his feelings for Lucius. In a mixture of grief and shock, he shouts at Lucius before attempting to leave. Just before he's about to floo away, a mysterious spectre passes through him, making him faint. After taking care of Severus, he leaves for information. Lucius learns from his mother's ghost that it's Antonio's ghost that's responsible._

_Lucius and Severus get along together, and Lucius still tries to find out what trauma caused Severus to fall into anorexia. He deduces that it might be a feeling of having failed the Dark Lord, but he realizes by the look of Severus that it's actually the opposite. At first in rage against Severus, he understands for what reasons Severus would turn against their former leader. _

_The Dark Mark burns, making Severus panic. He pleas Severus to let him go in order for Lucius and his family to remain protected. Lucius refuses to let him put himself in danger. Severus falls in love again with Severus._

_Antonio's burial takes place in Napoli. Both men attend it. They sleep at Severus' old flat, but have to return promptly to the manor because of Severus' poor health._

_Severus gets better little by little, and is fit to return to Hogwarts._

* * *

Somebody was knocking gently at the Potions Master private quarters.

"Severus? Are you in there?" Dumbledore called. Severus buried himself further into his sofa. He knew it was no use answering. Dumbledore charm the door open even with all the sophisticated wards and hexes he'd set upon them.

_He'd arrived just in time for dinner at the Great Hall. The announce of his return was followed by groans from most students, except for his Slytherins, who'd cheered at his sight, and a polite applause from his peers. Mac Gonagall had restrained herself just in time, thank God, from hugging him around the middle. _

_The meal started straight away. Severus didn't look up from his dish, which he'd filled very moderately, but he felt upon him the stares from the other teachers. He heard them whisper discreetly in the middle of their conversation. Then he became aware that a few students were keeping close watch on him too._

Don't you think we should tell him to have more...

He does look thin...

Dumbledore said to leave him be for the while...

Still...

_Severus endured thirty minutes feeling like a circus freak, being the centre of attention of about three hundred people. He left moodily just after dessert, and even then he could feel their gazes piercing through him._

"Severus?"

Dumbledore had finally managed to work his way through the door. Severus didn't look up. Perhaps if he feigned sleep, the old man would go away.

"Severus?" Dumbledore felt Severus' forehead, making him flinch.

"You're burning up, my dear boy..." he remarked.

"I had a slight fever before I left" Severus said slowly, sitting up. He lent forwards, his joint hands before him.

Dumbledore took place besides him.

"I'm sorry for what happened, Severus... I'm aware the rest of the staff and the student body might've been a little tactless..."

Severus shook his head.

"It doesn't matter, Headmaster. However, I have more pressing issue I'd like to discuss", Severus stated. "Lucius knows about my role as a spy."

Dumbledore sighed heavily.

"I'd thought it would come to that... Taking care of you in the state you were in must have given him the opportunity to know you better", he commented. Severus didn't even ask how the hell Dumbledore could've had an inkling of what had happened.

"Have you buried the hatchet, Severus?" he asked more lightly.

_The bloody man knows everything._

"I have no idea what you're talking about", Severus answered curtly. "And now is not the time to fool around, Dumbledore, we both felt the Mark burning during my stay at Malfoy Manor. There's a strong chance that he's back! I rest assured that Lucius won't talk, but in any case I've got to work on my spying skills for the time he'll call us back."

"Are you sure you wish to spy again, even though you'd be in constant danger whilst Mr Malfoy Senior knows about your secret?" Dumbledore enquired.

"I have to maintain my position besides Voldemort for as long as I can, even if it's for a few days. We need the information if we are to build any tangible resistance against him", Severus declared.

Dumbledore stood up silently. Severus followed. When they arrived at the door, the headmaster squeezed Severus' shoulder.

"Please don't speak of yourself like a weapon fit to waste" he asked softly, the eternal twinkle in his eye fading slightly. Severus held himself with dignity.

"I knew what I'd have to face when I took this post."

Dumbledore smiled weakly and patted his shoulder before leaving.

* * *

Severus was lying once again in the Hospital Wing's private ward. On his bedside table, a few bottles of potions. On his chest, the matron's stethoscope.

"Take a deep breath, Professor" she ordered. He complied.

Madam Pomfrey hadn't criticized his poor health, for once, because the Potions Master had come to see her all by himself the moment he'd felt off-colour. The fact that it was the weekend had helped a lot, but even though, she was glad of the evident progress. At least the man was resolved to get better. He'd never come to the infirmary before, even if his physical condition was, to say the least, precarious.

She diagnosed a bout of flu. Funny, as Severus had already downed a few pints of fever reducing potions and other concoctions. But, like most medication, to work their best, they had to be taken on a full stomach.

"I'll have to ask you to stay for a day or two, professor, so I can monitor you", she started. "You'll be fed a small ration of porridge along with your medicine every hour and a half. It will be easier on your stomach than a heavy meal and half a bottle of potions, don't you agree?"

Severus gave a little nod. No complaining, no protesting, no tantrum. The medi-witch didn't know what Malfoy had done to him, but it had worked wonders on the man's temper.

Later on, Severus asked whether his essays to grade could be brought to him. Madam Pomfrey hesitated, but considering how cooperative he'd been, she was ready to make concessions. She called a house elf and asked it to bring back a list of things from Severus' quarters. The man started to work straight away after assuring the matron he'd rest as soon as he would feel tired.

A pause of his quill's scratching two hours later proved that he'd stuck to his words.

Pomfrey checked on him later in the evening, after he'd had his second serving of food and potions. Severus was reading a stack of pop quizzes he'd gave his third years the day before. They were covered in cramped scripture written in glistening red ink, making them look like they'd been used as wipes during a particularly bloody surgery.

"So you truly are back to business, aren't you?" Pomfrey teased. Severus frowned at her.

"Poppy, if you have so much time to spare, I can always assign Neville Longbottom to brew a batch of polyjuice in the Great Hall during lunch. Knowing the boy, I assure you the result will keep you busy till next fall, at least", he sneered. Pomfrey blanched. She knew only too well of what miracles was capable the potions prodigy. Severus smirked.

"I think we've reached an understanding."

* * *

Around eight o'clock that evening, Severus heard a soft rapping at the door of his ward.

"May I come in?"

Without waiting for an answer, Minerva Mac Gonagall allowed herself inside. Stangely, Severus didn't feel her presence annoyed him. With a gracious smile, she sat beside his bed.

"Good evening, Severus", she said. "I haven't had time yet to have a proper conversation with you ever since you came back..."

Severus' instincts flared to life; the woman in front of him wasn't as tranquil as she wanted him to believe. Her eyes were darting away from him. She seemed to have practiced before coming, for her posture was quite unnatural for her and her beam too broad. She was hiding something from him, but he couldn't say exactly what. He decided to play the game... for the moment.

"Glad to see you, Minerva."

Silence fell upon them as they both gazed at one another. Minerva shuffled her feet nervously while Severus remained stoic.

"Was there something you wanted to tell me, Minerva?" Severus finally asked, putting an end to the awkward pause. The Gryfindor stopped dead.

"Severus...", she mumbled, avoiding his piercing stare, "I wanted to say... I... Oh, Severus, I'm so sorry!"

In a fraction of second Severus had the air blown out of him by a crushing hug and Minerva sobbing onto his shoulder.

"Take a grip on yourself, woman!" he shouted in alarm, barely able to breathe anymore. Minerva loosened her grip on him but carried on crying. Immediately Severus regretted being so harsh and was at lost for anything to say.

"Um... there there, Minerva", he tried, patting her shoulder uneasily, feeling completely foolish. One way or another, it worked, as her sobs slowly restrained to silent tears and hiccups. However, she didn't let go of him.

"Barking mad..." Severus muttered. To his surprise, she chuckled.

"Severus," she said when she had finally mastered her emotions, "I'm so sorry I didn't notice your condition before... We practically live together and I never... never..."

"It's not your fault, you couldn't have known, you weren't the only one", Severus reeled off, sensing another freak tear attack coming. Fortunately, Minerva did not collapse onto him again.

Minerva left a very shaken Potions master, pondering about what he thought he knew and everything he had ignored until then. Oh, sure, he was aware that years of bickering together must've linked him somewhat to her. He never would've guessed, however, that Minerva actually _cared_.

She eventually calmed down. Asked why. How it all started. He lied. Said he couldn't tell. Well, no, he could, but didn't want to. It was quite personal. She understood. Made him promise, yet another time, to be careful. That if he dared to let himself die, she'd dig him out of the grave just to kill him again. He laughed. He didn't know why. She laughed too, despite herself. He thanked her. She beamed. Told him she'd leave him rest and come back tomorrow. He thanked her, told her she didn't have to. She insisted. He thanked her again. She left the room.

He felt content.

* * *

Midnight on boxing day was a very silent affair in the dungeons.

Some might find it obvious enough, as the corridors were empty and the school half deserted, safe for a larger than usual proportion of students staying for the Yule Bal. However, whatever the time or day, you could always find in the Potion's master's room bubbling brews and fuming concoctions, and hear a small symphony of sounds as ingredients were crushed, chopped, pierced, squeezed, and slashed by an expert hand.

Not tonight.

It was on December the 26th, at 11 o'clock precisely that Eileen Prince had been murdered by a troop of Death Eaters for being a blood traitor. Severus had been at Napoli that day, and couldn't have done anything to save her, not being a Death Eater at the time.

It was since then that he'd started wearing black, every day of the year. Severus had fervently loved his mother, the woman who'd sacrificed everything for him.

Every year he spent most of his Christmas vacation locked in his rooms, creating the rumour among students and staff that the festivities made him grouchy because of all the happiness in the world.

He pulled a on small chain around his neck. A silver crucifix came out of his collar. It was a large piece of jewellery, with a green stone in the middle of the cross. He pressed upon it. With a click, it opened to reveal a tiny photograph of a dark young girl grinning serenely. She held a small toddler in her arms.

The photograph was a muggle black and white one, taken years ago by his father. His mother had been about 21, Severus hardly 2.

Severus shut the locket up. He didn't wear it most of the time, just when he needed to feel his mother's presence. At times he had to remind himself that somebody was watching over him.

_Someone's watching over me watching over other people. Ha!_

He went to his bedroom and undressed. Once under the heavy blankets, he took from his bedside table a muggle book he'd started to read. "Se questo è un uomo", by Primo Levi. A morbid autobiography of a Shoah survivor. Severus enjoyed reading it, not by sadism or historical interest, but to reassure him that he wasn't the only one to suffer in this world. One would ask himself this question after having been through Severus' life. The depressed man had responsibilities to assume and couldn't afford to let himself go by pitying himself. Thus the need for relativism.

But even the book wasn't able to tare Severus from his grief. It ended back on the table after barely ten minutes, leaving Severus dwelling with memories he couldn't ignore anymore. He rolled onto his back, about to turn off the light, but gave a groan. Something hard pocked his spine.

Severus sat up and retrieved a thin parcel that laid upon his mattress, his eyebrows jerking in surprise.

It came from Malfoy Manor.

The wrapping paper was a dull brown, in accommodation with Severus' taste, and a small note was stuck to it.

Severus took it off and read it.

"_With your legendary holiday cheer, I thought it absurd to send you this on the 25__th__, least I wanted it thrown into your fireplace._

_Yours,_

_L.A.M."_

Short, but efficient. Severus had always hated long, tedious letters where the addresser displayed all sorts of tactics to mimic intelligence or concern. Lucius' note touched him more than if he'd dedicated him a whole mushy love novel.

Severus tore the wrapping off. The parcel contained two ordinary photo frames.

In the first one, a photograph of young Severus freshly graduated from Hogwarts standing besides Antonio. Severus remembered it well; it was taken by the Napoli faculty he'd studied in. The picture was part of the 1978-1979 yearbook, which he hadn't bothered to keep. He highly regretted it now.

The second frame displayed another yearbook photo, but from Hogwarts this time. Of him and Lucius just before they broke up. The haughty Slytherin head boy besides the secluded prefect.

_What a pair. _

For a moment Severus stopped grieving. His mind broke the walls surrounding his past. It hadn't been so bad when he thought about it. He'd suffered a lot, of course, but in a bewildering way, he'd gotten used to it.

Severus stood up, got fully dressed and strode out of his quarters. He strode out of his dungeons, out of the castle, out of the grounds, and with a swift turn, dissaparated out of the country.

* * *

A raven cawed.

The cemetery surrounding the small church was covered in ice. Said church looked more like a shapeless pile of snow and frost, except for the few glass panes barely visible and the battered wooded door. Severus pushed it open with much difficulty, causing a few flakes to fall upon his travelling cloak. With a loud creaking noise, he entered the House of God, as his mother had taught him to call the once sacred place.

The church had been abandoned about a decade ago, and so no priest came to greet him. Severus walked to the altar, a great sense of nostalgia welling into him. Due to the abundance of crooks, whores and other Mafiosi, the church was dedicated to Saint Nicolas, bless their souls. At the far end, hidden by once deep plum curtains stood the graceful gothic statue of the virgin Maria. When he first came here, Severus had just turned four. With her long dark hair and serene expression, he had mistaken the statue for a representation of his mother, making her giggle in mirth. Each time he wished to address her, to let his voice reach the Heavens, Severus came in this very place and spoke to the statue.

"Mama..." he started embarrassedly, knowing very well that he was a fool to believe his mother could still hear him, and that he was far too old and smart to believe in such superstitions. "I've come back, and I know it's been a while... I think of you every day, you know I do... But today, my mind has been clouded by a fair number of things. You know how hard life can get, but this is ridiculous... I'm... I'm in... with a man I've rejected for years, and now that we're together... God, I don't even know if we're together... Sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean to swear!" Severus said hastily. "Anyway, the Dark Lord's back, what am I to do?"

The statue's faded blue eyes watched him blindly, with the same inviting smile.

Severus' gaze dropped to the floor, and he turned back towards the door, still not looking up.

"I don't want to be alone anymore..." he said softly, the pain visible in his eyes.

The door slammed shut. Just as he left, a curious phenomenon occurred.

The Virgin's eyes were shedding tears.


	11. The Broken Melody

A.N. : I'd like to mention a few things about the last chapter, that I forgot in my haste to post it. Firstly, Primo Levi's book, translated as _If this is a man_ in English. A truly striking masterpiece I had to read for one of my courses (to give you an idea about how it freaked me out, I used to spend most of my time alone in my apartment alone as my family lives abroad, and while reading it, I couldn't spare a glance to my windows at night because each time I saw the gaunt figures of concentration camp prisoners). So if you'd like to read it, be warned: it ain't for sissies. Secondly, I'm thinking about writing another fic once I've finished this one, exclusively about Antonio and Severus while they lived together in Napoli. Tell me what you think about it, please. As I'm in college and have a heavy workload, I can't afford to start writing something if nobody's going to read it, I'm sorry to say... So send a review if you want more, and I'll write especially for you guys

Ciao,

Sarah

* * *

London could be compared to a diamond: it had many facets, and each reflected a different image of yourself. Under the ominous glow of a rusty streetlamp, Severus felt his feral instincts resurface, while he was quite tamed just an hour ago near Piccadilly circus, where he'd apparated. A smoke in his hand and smoke out his lips, waiting. In full muggle attire, blue jeans, black shirt and charcoal mackintosh along with Italian shoes, he would've been at his place in a gangster flick if only he had a violin case.

He'd left Hogwarts for Easter that year under the Headmaster's (and Lucius') request, as he seemed to make a lot more progress concerning his health under the care of his lover. He'd refused at first, sternly reminding Dumbledore that he couldn't afford to quit his Head of House responsibilities and had to prepare his Potions exams for June. Dumbledore reminded him that hardly any of his Slytherins were spending their vacation at the castle and that he'd already had said exams ready since at least last month, anyways.

Severus hated Dumbledore for knowing him too well.

_Well, not exactly _hate_..._

His chest hurt. The thrice damn pain flowed in his body with as much ease as blood in his veins. It hadn't stopped. It never stopped. He knew it would never cease, no matter what he did. He forced as much food as he could down his throat. He tried to put on some weight, he really did, but no matter the effort, he never managed to gain more than half a pound.

Which he usually lost a few days after.

He knew spending time with Lucius was for his own good, but he didn't know if he wished for his own good anymore. He always felt tired, woke up everyday only looking forward to the moment when he'll be able to go back to bed again. Strengthening and stamina potions didn't work anymore. Maybe they were all right. Maybe his body was shutting down after all.

Someone was coming towards him, half hidden by the fog.

He made out the outlines of Lucius' silhouette, elegantly dressed in a full muggle businessman attire. He saw him approach, but his vision was fuzzy... He tried to focalize, but it only made his head ache. Lucius bent over him. Strange, he hadn't even noticed that he had fallen to his knees. He looked up into pale grey eyes. Lucius' lips moves, but Severus heard nothing. The edges were darkening...

* * *

Severus was surrounded by warmness. His body was tucked snugly under heavy covers. He felt too exhausted to move. His eyelids were much too heavy. Somebody was delicately opening his mouth and lifting his head. He automatically swallowed a thick, warm liquid. He supposed it was soup, but wasn't sure. Everything tasted bland to him. He felt the pillow underneath him again, and a handkerchief dabbing his lips. The silky material was replaced by something else, just as soft. He opened his mouth slightly, allowing access to Lucius. But the kiss was short, and was replaced by an embrace. Severus didn't utter a word, didn't produce the slightest sound. He felt so feeble in Lucius' strong arms. During the past months, stress had worn him out, from constant worry about Potter's wellbeing during the Triwizard Tournament to preparation for Voldemort's return.

Just before blacking out, Severus found himself wondering what it felt like dying the way Antonio did...

* * *

Life was an endless circle, Lucius thought. To stay on the safe side, he'd called Pomfrey, who'd told him about the diet she'd advised Severus to follow when he'd been diagnosed a flu. Amazingly enough, she'd complimented him about his influence on Severus.

_Wonders will never cease._

Antonio had deemed it useful to appear after the mediwitch had left. He floated at the far end of the room so as to refrain from making the man uncomfortable.

"I wouldn't suggest the feeding tube this time, Signor Malfoy, he needs to train his stomach constantly. I would suggest overcooked rice and vegetables, much easier to ingest, and perhaps tiny bits of ham or finely diced poultry. He will need proteins and carbohydrates to regain strength, rebuild his muscles... Don't give him any fruit juice, it might be too acid for him, only fruit salad once a while and sugary water. Plenty of tea to keep him warm. I'd normally advice alcohol, but due to his weight it would do him more harm than good", he instructed. Lucius nodded, his eyes fixed on Severus. He was increasingly thinking about bringing him to St Mungo's, but knew the dramatic effects it could have on the man's spirit.

And so began the slow feeding process. One teaspoon at a time, Lucius would feed Severus, who still was in a groggy state and didn't respond. Lucius didn't mind. Narcissa and Draco had left for Andalucía, for Draco to "relax from all the strain he puts up with at school", as his wife mentioned. He could nurse Severus for the better part of the day without anybody interrupting them. Lucius slowly pulled the covers off of him.

The ill man was sprawled upon the bed, lying on his side, one leg slightly bent over the other. His raven locks cascaded over one side of his face and over his shoulders, like level waves of the purest black ink. His pale skin had no imperfection, stretched onto his bones like canvas on a frame. Lucius laid his palm flat onto his lovers stomach, rubbing him with little circle to keep him warm.

"Divino, is he not, Signor Malfoy?"

Lucius jumped. He'd forgotten that Santa Cruz was still there. However, the elder got the hint and disappeared just before confronting Lucius.

In a way, Lucius understood what Antonio meant. With his svelte body and currently peaceful expression, nothing superfluous spoiling the whole, Severus did look like an awkward, Mediterranean Apollo.

"Severus..." Lucius drawled as he slid into bed, his hands sliding down to grasp the raven man's flanks and pull his pelvis up, only to remember that a thin layer of clothes was still rudely in between them. Disgruntled, he laid Severus back down and reached for his wand, undressing himself in a flash. The effect was immediate; his arousal against Severus' cock, which started hardening. Severus roused, his half open eyes leering at Lucius.

"I didn't think I set my alarm clock on "extra perverted morning call"..." he mumbled moodily. Lucius hushed him with a kiss.

"You scared the living daylights out of me, you glorious bastard", Lucius said in the softest tone possible, sending jolts down Severus' navel.

"I guess I have to apologise for that, Lucius..." he purred seductively, tangling his long fingers in his lover's golden main. Lucius bent down to nip his protruding collarbone. Severus closed his eyes lazily and sighed.

"You're still tired, aren't you?" Lucius asked with concern. Severus shook his head at first, paused, and then nodded in resignation.

"There's no cure, is there?" Severus asked, sounding hopeless. Lucius didn't know what to say; never before had he seen Severus so close to giving up.

_Apart from that day he let himself fall asleep... totally._

"Do you still make yourself sick, Severus?"

Severus looked away, shame etched on his face.

"I can't stop myself anymore, Lucius. I try not to, but whatever I eat makes me nauseous... I can't take it anymore, Lucius, no matter how hard I try, it's like I've turned allergic to food... I've become a monstrosity, haven't I?"

Severus broke down completely. A rotten childhood. His mother's cruel death, then Lily's, and finally Antonio's. Years of loneliness. He wasn't a machine, a _weapon fit to waste_, as Dumbledore had put it. He simply was a man who'd built a fortress around him to protect himself from suffering more than he already had.

Lucius held him in his arms and felt his frail body shivering... Severus still had enough dignity not to produce a single sound, nevertheless he still had to cover his the tears he was shedding.

_Oh Severus..._

* * *

I've seen you fall apart today, and the days before, for a whole year now. It scares me because I've never seen this side of you before, and it makes me afraid for losing control over the situation. I hate this word, "afraid". A Malfoy is never afraid.

I can't help contemplating your delicate beauty, like a bird with a broken wing as you lay spread-eagled on the silk covers, head inclined and eyes closed. Sometimes they open to slits, so narrow that they seem completely black, and with your long lashes I find myself comparing you to a doe. It's not hard, with your thin yet muscular frame...

You haven't woken up all day. Your pulse is low, but steady. Your chest heaves and falls in a slow rhythm, reminding me you're still alive, and that's the way I want you. Forget astheniaphily. I want you safe and sound.

I wrap my arms around you, as carefully as I can. I've always got the feeling that, was I to hold you too tight, your bones would crush under the pressure. Your skin is soft under my fingers. Few people know about it, but you do take care of yourself, in a manly way. Your hair smells musky, and covers your shoulder like the finest satin drape. A few strands snake down to your chest, over your nipples. Out of pure mischief, I tease and circle them. You stir and groan. You've always been very responsive when I decide to play with them. I dip my head down and lick them, before suckling them. You gasp deliciously, and wake up. You reach clumsily for my head and pull it closer, breathing ragged. I decide to explore your lower regions, and lick someplace else.

Would that be safe? You do need your rest, after all... But how can I deny you anything, Severus, so needy and impatient...

I take you wholly, devour you, milk you as you moan my name huskily. You urge me on till a salty nectar pours into my mouth. You taste so good, Severus, and I swallow every last drop of what you have to give me before capturing your lips into a chaste kiss.

I desire you entirely.

You make no comment as I prepare you, only a sigh or two in content. After touching your forehead, I realise you're a tad cold, and pull the bed sheets over us both. I take my time. I don't want you to think I'm using you as a fuck buddy. You never have been, and never will be.

Don't you understand that I love you, oh sceptic one? Doubt no more!

Please doubt no more...

You whisper in a voice I hardly recognise that you've never doubted a second, even though you've tried to. I can't replace it...

Wasn't it the voice you used before we broke up? Even then I didn't fool around with you. No. I knew I loved you.

I slide into you, and you bite your lip in a very obvious way, before exhaling... You used to top me before, from time to time, but you haven't got the strength anymore. You urge me to enter deeper, _oh, deeper,_ you want more, and so do I, but I can't bear to cause you pain even if you ask for it.

You start uttering words in Italian and another eastern language I don't recognise. Each time we make love, your brain switches into full foreigner mode, but I don't care. Never has an idiom sounded so musical to my ears. You pant soft notes in a baritone voice and compose a whole symphony of sighs and pants and groans and yelps, in which I play the role of _chef d'orchestre_. I control the rhythm, the intensity of song you sing, for you do sing a low, chaotic melody, Severus.

And I adore it.

We draw nearer to the conclusion, our _grand final_, as I like to think of it. Your lack of oxygen don't allow you to sing anymore, _hélas_, but you still hiss my name, and it has never sounded so beautiful before. I cry out your name, a little harder each time as I feel you tensing around my cock, and I feels heavenly, Severus, and so warm. It makes me thrust more violently into you, causing you to yelp in pain, but my mind is too foggy to allow me to realise I'm hurting you. You wrap your arms around me and close what little space was left between us. I kiss you roughly, and as we pull apart to breathe, a small line of drool still connects us. I see you jolt and tilt your head backwards, your eyes rolling as you fall back onto the bed. It's not long before I reach Nirvana too.

When I come back to my senses, I feel the urge to cry.

So many things can go wrong from here, with the risks you've decided to take. Sometimes I want to shake you, Severus, and shout for you to stop this foolishness, before I'm reminded I'm the most foolish of us two. Sometimes I want to keep you in bed, never let you go, make love to you till death follows.

...

I feel you shiver. I hold myself up on my elbows. You look awfully pale. I can hear your teeth shatter. You start to convulse, and I run to the potion cabinet. Your breathing is laboured, I can whistling sounds with each exhalation. _What should I give you? What can I do?_

Antonio rushes through the ceiling as I'm about to feed you Pepperup, the first vial I found. There's nothing I can do, says he, let the fit run its course, says he, but meanwhile you're suffering and I'm hanging around doing nothing.

Your forehead is sweaty, your face grimacing in pain, and as suddenly as it started, the fit stops. Antonio describes it as a severe case of hypoglycaemia. He orders me to give you a glucose shot, and I do so, notwithstanding the fact I don't take orders from anybody. You're my sole preoccupation.

You spend hours sleeping again, only waking up the next day, in the middle of the afternoon. I feed you again, slowly. Keep you warm under a pile of woollen blankets. Bring you hot drinks, even though you ask me to stop playing your personal house elf. I reply that I don't mind. Honestly. Taking care of you is gratifying; each time I see you wake up a little healthier than the night before. Sometimes you're a little depressed because of your frailty, and so I pause in my ministrations to attend to your soul. You whisper a few words of thanks. I ignore them.

I should thank you for accepting me into your life again.

I ask you the most ridiculous question I could come up with.

You answer that you do, and kiss me.

I'm under the impression that I will never tire of telling you how much I love you, because you don't seem to be bothered by this mantra either. And sometimes I hear you say...

_I love you, Lucius..._

* * *

A.N.: for narrative reasons, the following chapters will be described by Lucius' POV too. Tell me how you feel about it, because as you've already seen, your reviews are very much appreciated.

Also astheniaphily is a word I tried to translate from the French _asthénéophilie_, itself coming from ancient Greek, meaning _the fact to be attracted by an ill person. _Being a type of perversion, I haven't found it in any dictionary, so I'm sorry if I've misspelled it, as I couldn't check it beforehand.

Next chapters will imply more of what happens in the books, such as Voldemort's return, for instance.

Ciao,

Sarah


	12. From the mind of Lucius

I search the crowd, in vain. Even though we're all wearing masks and ample robes, it's not hard to recognize your lean figure and graceful stride.

Or, should I say, it wouldn't have been hard, because you're not there.

My blood freezes as I enter the circle around our Lord. You were right, he came back. He counts us, mentions punishment to come for those who failed to answer his call. He stops before me, refers me as his _slippery friend_. I try to keep my cool. The Potter boy's there. What shall I do? Protect him? I know it's the task you've been assigned, but you're not there...

They've started torturing him, and his cries echo in my mind... Not because I pity the boy, but because I know that's what awaits you, were you to try to escape the Dark Lord... Only to get caught. For he always end up getting what he wants, you do know that.

The duel has started, the boy doesn't stand a chance. I suppress the urge to run between him and our Master. I would only be rewarded by death, therefore unable to protect you. I try to convince myself that the loss of the Chosen One won't weigh too much on your shoulders...

* * *

He's finally calmed down.

The fury of hexes and curses sent haphazardly to both living and non-living things has stopped, after thirty minutes of pandemonium. My heart is still beating widely against my ribcage. I think Goyle has been touched pretty badly, his arm is bleeding profusely.

A crack startles me, and I swirl towards it, wand at the ready. My jaw falls.

It's you.

You walk diligently towards the Dark Lord, avoiding me, and I try to hold you back, but at my first step you glare at me in warning. I want to restrain you before it's too late, Severus, you've got no idea what awaits you!

The Dark Lord seethes at you and, before you had the chance to utter a single word, casts _Crucio_.

Not a sound apart from your body tossing and twisting madly upon wet grass.

_How do you do it?_

The spell's brought to an end. I hear you gasp, before taking in deep, husky breaths. You croak something to our Lord as he raises his wand. To my great surprise, he stills in mid-action. Turns away and asks you to follow him. You gather what little strength you've got left and pace after him with as much dignity as you can, but you can't fool me, Severus. I know your fondness for billowing robes comes from their hiding your weakness. My trained eyes notice your slight limp and skeletal body. You haven't gained an ounce.

And still you follow your doom, like a man should, leaving me awed.

Half an hour later, you return, and I run for you, but you disapparate straight away, without a word, leaving me feeling empty.

Nobody's there to see my horrified expression. What will become of you, have you succeeded in fooling the Dark Lord?

I return to Malfoy Manor and go straight to bed. Narcissa didn't even ask how the reunion went. She knows better by now what we're worth to our Master.

_Close to nothing. _

* * *

Summer is just a quick succession of Death Eater's meetings, of preposterous propositions and foolish attempts to demonstrate our unwavering faith to our Lord. I assume he delights in watching us struggle to please him, and that he already has a plan. We both know how he likes to maintain a certain level of panic and doubt:

_Are we forgiven yet?_

_Will we ever be?_

_Does he plan revenge on us all?_

I've heard of attacking Azkaban, of using Potter to obtain something precious, of gaining control over the Ministry. I don't know what to believe. None of us do, yet we still obey orders blindly, at great personal risks. We all have to muster the little courage we have left... Not all followers can keep their cool like you, Severus. You're the bravest man I know.

* * *

We return together, you and I, to your quarters at Hogwarts in the middle of the night, after responding to a call. I sent a Patronus to inform Narcissa that all is well, and that I'll be home by tomorrow morning.

You put on Chopin's "Raindrops", a discreet background music. You've always loved muggle composers, and I have to admit, they can outshine magical artists. A flash of your wand and a fire roars into the hearth. I cup your face. As expected, you're freezing cold even though the ambient temperature isn't quite low yet. We sit in front of your coffee table, upon your leather sofa. Whiskey or Vodka? Why do you ask, you've always known how weary I am of eastern alcohol, which I happen to find cheap. Whiskey it is, then.

We down together a glass. You always keep a flask of liquor on yourself, a habit inherited from your father. Unlike him, you're no drunkard, just a cold man who's freezing in his gloomy dungeons.

I feel a little giddy, what with your presence and my beverage. My hand clumsily strokes your hip, and slides towards your inner thigh. You growl as the tip of my fingers tease the skin just behind your trousers, and dive under.

The world turns upside down. The melody intensifies, rising in volume.

You're on top of me! On top! By your predatory smirk, I know you'd planned it all, before I'd even met you tonight! Oh, the glint in your eyes! You capture my lips and push your tongue into my mouth, in a demanding kiss. Shoving you knee against my groin, you grab a fistful of my shirt to pull me closer.

I don't understand. I got used to this feral behaviour back when we were dating, but for you to have this strength, while still supposedly weakened by anorexia... Once again,_ how do you do it?_

We messily undress, trying to rip our clothes off without breaking contact... Your bare chest engulfs my vision as press me against the floor. I still wonder about the cause of this new found vigour. We kiss again, more delicately this time. You want me relaxed before preparing me. And as our tongues twist and roll vehemently, I taste in your mouth something spicy I can't replace.

I latch on. It was so simple, so evident.

You've taken a stamina potion.

While very potent, these concoctions badly shake up one's system, and in the state you're in, you'd better not take a chance. My mind screams for me to stop this, stop it all before it's too late, you need to rest, and...

And my body has overcome my mind, not for the first time.

You lift me slightly for us to get back onto the couch, start scissoring me with your long fingers. Our sweaty bodies glisten in the firelight, and I become conscious that it is our only light source. The torches adorning your walls are unlit, and the heavy contrast makes our pale skins glow in the semi darkness.

My train of thought is cut a delicious shiver spreading from my core, as you hit that bundle of nerves I'm so fond of. I moan in pleasure as you strike it again, and again... But you pull out your digits, earning a frustrated groan, and replace it by something much more manly.

_Heavens, yes..._

I've never minded bottoming with you, Severus... Just like yourself, the most interesting part of your anatomy is long and slender, and as you thrust inside me, my back arches in delight. The pain is minim, thanks to careful ministrations , and so years of abstinence don't stop me from enjoying this "unnatural" interaction.

My panting is quite rhythmical, but I can't say the same for you. As you thrust in and out of me, steadily at first, I then hear you gasp oddly after a few minutes. Holding my legs apart, you propel yourself inside me with vigour and lust, making me breathe out your name, gently, then louder and louder until I'm positively screaming for you, encouraging you to the point where you start _fucking me like an animal..._

Such bestiality for a quiet man.

_Oh!_

You've reached this point, this part of me that blurs my vision each time your cock brushed it. More, do it more! _Oh Severus, oh oui Severus, encore, plus fort! Seve-_

My limbs fall limply, and both our stomachs are covered in cum.

You find your release soon afterwards, and collapse upon me, chest heaving in a spectacular way.

It takes me a few minutes to make out that I'd better bring you to bed. After a cleansing charm on us both, I carry you bride like to your room, your head lolling over my arm.

Your four-poster bed is slightly smaller than the ones at the Manor, but decent enough. Your duvet is warm and cosy, and after all the night's action it won't take me long drift off. I spoon you protectively, my arms wrapped around your slender waist. You lazily turn around to face me, a small, satisfied smile widening upon your features until it makes you shine. I embrace you, and kiss you again, yearning for this act of pure passion like a starved man yearns for food.

This last image freezes me.

I hold you closer, and can still fell how bony you are against me. I should've gotten used to it by now. You've apparently felt my sorrow, because your big black eyes fix me uncomfortably, before turning away. You were right about them; in the dim I can hardly see your nose, but those long-lashed wonders hypnotize me.

"Severus..."

"Mmm..."

"I _want_ you."

"Beast."

"It's your fault, really."

"A lot of things seem to be my fault... It probably is."

I hold myself onto my elbows. The tone of your voice worries me.

"Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"Severus... none of this is your fault. Look at me."

But you determinedly gaze away. I don't insist.

"I love you..."

You close your eyes and hide your head under the pillow. I gently pull you away from it. A peck on the crown of your hair and you're back in my arms.

You fall asleep before I do. Your peaceful expressions fills me with bliss.

* * *

_Narcissia crucioed by the Dark Lord, whimpering for release, holding her protruding stomach as protectively as a tortured person can... Her face is twisted in pain, nearly magenta from crying, and a mixture of snot and tears drips freely down her chin. _

_My mother's funerals, and how empty the world feels without her._

_Severus' ghostly pale face, his body chained to tubes of various nutrient and potions. I can barely look at him, but at the same time I dare not tare my gaze from his immobile body, should it be the last time I see him alive._

I don't care wearing a torn dull gray uniform. Really, I don't. I don't care whether the food is bland and pasty, or how the few human wardens spit out the worst insult at each confrontation. One of them even spit on me, but that's beyond my concern.

I used to think that the miserable condition we have to put up with in here only added insult to injury. But I'm comfortable with them, in an insane way. It matches with the gloom I've encountered upon passing the gates of Azkaban.

You've stumbled into my train of thought many times, Severus. Because of how inaccessible the happy moments we'd spent together are, my disheartened soul muses on the fact that it probably would've been better if I'd never met you to start with.

I muzzle this belief, try to rid my mind of it. You've always been my lifeline to sanity. That's a fact.

I gather facts around me, like a shield against dementors. And I stick to them. Repeat them in my head, till they become an ultimate mantra.

Fact number one: I love my wife, my son, and I love you.

Fact number two: I'm safe from the Dark Lord's vengeance.

Fact number three: I've been taken in battle, Narcissia and Draco haven't got anything to do with it, so it's reasonable to assume they're safe too.

...

Fact number one: I love my wife, my son, and I love you.

Fact number two: I'm safe from the Dark Lord's vengeance.

Fact number three: I've been taken in battle, Narcissia and Draco haven't got anything to do with it, so it's reasonable to assume they're safe too.

...

Fact number one: I love my wife, my son, and I love you.

_What if it were __**because**__ you love Severus that you allowed yourself to fail, without realizing it?_

Fact number two: I'm safe from the Dark Lord's vengeance.

_But for how much time? You know it's a matter of days before he takes over Azkaban... And then you'll get it, if you don't lose your mind before._

Fact number three: I've been taken in battle, Narcissia and Draco haven't got anything to do with it, so it's reasonable to assume they're safe too.

_You impossible fool! It matters not whether they're responsible or not, the Dark Lord is capable of harming innocents without reason... He'll make you pay-_

**SHUT UP!**

Laying in the dirt of my cell, snivelling in foetal position... _I don't know how long I'll last..._

Xxx

They shove me out of my cell, painfully gripping my shoulders for I can hardly stand anymore. They speak, but I have no idea if it's to me or not. Their voices come through in waves. They throw me into a small room with a table and two chairs, my head narrowly missing them as I collapse. I hear someone coming in. I flinch in the most cowardly way. Is this another guard? I've heard of a few of them picking prisoners they'd like to give a spoon of their own medicine to... I tentatively look up.

It's you.

You lift me up in a chair, staggering under my weight. I grunt in the most indignant fashion, but what can I say, I feel exhausted, both physically and mentally. You sit down on the other side of the table. Your piercing gaze awakens me.

"Lucius..." you say in that deep, low voice that makes me shudder. "I never wanted this..."

You stand up and approach me. Your lips are hardly an inch away when you whisper:

"This will be the only chance for me to visit you, without arousing suspicion..."

"Severus..." I croak, before closing the gap between us. I kiss you clumsily at first, thanks to the state Azkaban has left me in.

You cast a few locking and intimacy spells on the door.

We kiss hungrily, devouring ourselves. You're delicious... I regain my sense of taste, and remember suddenly that I haven't brushed my teeth in weeks. I pull away, ashamed of how filthy I am. You stare at me bizarrely. I feel myself go red. Perhaps you've understood, because you approach and caress my back soothingly.

"I don't care..."

You repeat these words on and on, until you think I believe them. I'm not sure it's the case...

"I have to go now... They just allowed me a couple of minutes alone with you..."

_No..._

"Please Severus..." I beg, in a voice I don't recognize.

You give me a last kiss. A bitter one, filled with regret.

"I'm sorry..." you say in a tight voice, before squeezing me in you lean arms. They can't warm me now I'm cold in horror from your leaving. Seconds later, I hear the echo of metallic doors slammed shut.

When I'm flung back in my cell, I hardly know how I got there in the first place.

* * *

A.N.: It's the beginning of the end, muchachos!


End file.
